Hope Archives | Wright Foundation

So here we are, a few weeks into the New Year. How many of us have kept our resolutions? I bet a few (or more) of us are slouching down in our seats as we read this.

By the end of January, 50% of people will have faltered on their New Year’s resolutions—and it goes straight downhill from there. So, if you’ve fallen off your resolution wagon, know that you’re in very good company.

When we look at why New Year’s resolutions fail, it’s not because we don’t have enough willpower or because we’re weak. Our resolutions don’t fail because we’re just “lazy” or because we “can’t change.”

Why New Year’s resolutions fail? Because we don’t make the RIGHT resolutions.

Think of all the common resolutions you hear:

I want to lose 50 pounds!
I’m going to give up sugar!
I want to stop shopping online!
I want to get a big promotion!
No more bad dates!
I’m never yelling at my kids again!
I resolve to run a marathon this year!

Often, our resolutions are so lofty, they’re easily broken once…and then that’s it. We’ve failed. We throw in the towel.

Either that or our resolutions are intertwined with our soft addictions—those timewasters and other things we do that aren’t so healthy, like wasting time on the internet, skipping the gym to stay in bed, feeling guilty over too many Netflix binge-sessions, eating the extra dessert, or buying those shoes we can’t afford so we put them on a credit card (we also can’t afford to pay off).

These aren’t signs that we’re hopeless, bad or lazy, or that we can’t achieve our goals. These are all signs of “mis-wanting.” We can’t unlock our goals because we don’t actually want the things that would bring us happiness.

What is Happiness?

Underneath many of our goals and resolutions is the desire to “be happy.” We all want happiness, but many of us aren’t even sure what happiness means for us, or what it would truly look like.

In a classic study of lottery winners and accident victims, it was determined that happiness isn’t as relative as one might think. The lottery winners reported immediate gratification, of course, but after a year, their happiness levels returned to their pre-win state. For the accident victims, despite suffering horrible tragedy, their happiness also returned back to baseline after a year.

The lesson here? Whether lottery winner or accident victim, the happy people stayed happy and the miserable people…well, they stayed miserable. This is referred to as the hedonic treadmill. Despite the positive or negative happenings in our lives, we often return to the same levels of happiness.

It’s not to say that we shouldn’t try to aim for happiness or determine what “makes us happy,” of course, but we should be aware that happiness isn’t our singular objective, nor does money or being thin usually result in happiness. (Although we often think that money or weight loss are the two things holding us back.)

The reality is, we think something is going to “make” us happy. We mis-want things and until we unlock the deeper desires (the “why”), we’re going to keep spinning our wheels and walking along on a treadmill…moving toward a carrot we can never catch.

Figuring Out Our WHY = Getting to the Root of True Joy

The things that really bring us true happiness are what we can offer to the world. These are our “gifts” and they directly correlate to our deepest desires, also known as our “yearnings.”

When we work to unlock our yearnings, we can see the bigger wants—the things that will TRULY bring us the happiness, satisfaction and joy we desire. It’s not finishing a marathon, fitting into our skinny jeans, organizing our office, or even getting the promotion.

Underneath these small goals or resolutions, there are bigger, deeper yearnings:

I yearn to be loved.
I yearn to be seen.
I yearn to be acknowledged.
I yearn to be accepted.

We can unlock our yearnings by running our goals through the “so that” test, like so:

I want to lose 20 pounds, SO THAT I can have more energy. I want to have more energy, SO THAT I can keep up with my kids. I want to keep up with my kids, SO THAT I can have a strong connection with them. I YEARN to connect with my kids.

Suddenly, when we unlock the deeper meaning, the “why” of our goals and resolutions, we become laser-focused on achieving them. The steps to attaining the larger goal become clear.

Not only does our path become obvious, but also, it opens us up to the truth that, well, we don’t need to lose 20 pounds to connect with our kids. We can start getting that bliss right NOW! We already have the winning lottery ticket right in our hands!

The amazing thing is, once we identify our yearnings and seek ways to directly fulfill them, we might find the pounds melt away. We’re connected with our kids, playing with them more, engaging in life, and not numbing ourselves behind ice cream and the internet. Suddenly, we’re more active and more energized, our clothes fit and we’re loving life!

Realizing Our Gifts & Living Our Best Lives

Within each and every person are gifts that they bring to the world around them. When we’re doing things for others, thinking of ways to engage and cultivate relationships with those around us, and building our best selves, these gifts become more evident and clear.

“Accepting that we all have gifts, we can join the quest to discover them. We needn’t be limited by mistaken beliefs that we’re not talented or that others are special but not us, or that it is showing off to share our gifts. Convincing ourselves that we lack any real gifts or have nothing to contribute leaves us with an aching void that we often fill with soft addictions. Our fear of failure and our perfectionist approaches bar us from fully engaging in life. We are willing to just get by in order to distract ourselves from our fear. If we believe we have nothing to contribute we don’t fully engage in life and we seek solace in soft addictions. Since we only discover our gifts by engaging in life, we may miss finding the gifts we surly posses…
…By developing and offering your gifts, you grow. You become more skilled and more fulfilled. Something new is created and brought into the world. The creativity you express through your gifts empowers you to add meaning to your life and the lives you touch.”
– The Soft Addiction Solution

You are a gift. You deserve to be happy and have your yearnings met. Make it your resolution to STOP going nowhere on the goal treadmill. Unlock your desires and bring your gifts to the world!

Once you’re making the right resolutions, you’ll find keeping them is a pleasure! You’ll be more engaged, you’ll have more energy, and ultimately, you’ll find the secret to bringing more love, light and happiness into your life!

So stop beating yourself up about missed resolutions and failed goals. Reframe your path and aim for the things you really want! If you need some ideas on how to determine your path or if you need coaching on your life journey, please visit www.wrightliving.com.

Wright Living is a division of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential, a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

When we ring in the New Year, we often feel an excitement and zest for the potential of what’s to come. A New Year means 365 days of possibilities, new connections & opportunities to learn, connect & thrive.

Do you love what you do for a living? This question often comes up this time of year, so we start doing some self-assessment.

Sometimes we can also feel reflective and even a little sad or nostalgic. We might have regrets from the past year or unfinished goals we set out to accomplish but came up short. Even if you don’t subscribe to the tradition of setting “New Year’s Resolutions,” it’s impossible to avoid the sense of putting the prior year to bed and moving into a new beginning where you anticipate new actions you’ll need to take.

The New Year is full of untapped potential just waiting for us.

Revise Resolutions All Year Long

Resolutions aren’t simply for the New Year, though. When we only visit our vision and goals one time a year, we’re surely setting ourselves up for some missed opportunities and regret.

To operate at peak performance, our brains prefer constant learning, growth, and stimulation. When things get stale and stagnant, our brains actually become dulled and subdued. We have to have new experiences, master new skills and professional development opportunities, and seek out chances to stretch ourselves and find our spark.

Our resolutions, whether for the New Year or otherwise, give us a chance to set goals and push ourselves toward the things we want. They give us a chance to check in with our inner “coordinator” and self-governance. Are we really working toward the things most important to our hearts? What steps are we taking to achieve what we want and to get to our next goal?

We should constantly and consistently be revisiting our goals and focusing on our vision to keep moving forward to the next peak. Our vision is our big-picture map and guide.

ENGAGE and Get Back to the Fun Side of Work

When we discover new possibilities on the horizon or when we’re at the beginning of a journey, we must first identify what we want: the deep drivers that we call our yearnings. If our vision is the big picture, then our yearnings are our inner-GPS.

Yearnings are deeper than simple wants. I might want to make money at my job, but I yearn to be recognized as successful. We yearn to be seen, to connect, to succeed. We yearn for safety and comfort. It’s meeting those yearnings that fulfills us.

Once we’ve identified our yearnings (which is no small task), we start to engage. Engaging is responding to our yearnings and ceasing to repress or ignore these important drivers. As we engage, we start to change our behavior, connect with others, and feel like we’ve ‘jumped in the game’ of life.

Engaged people are in the game. They’re going for what they want. They have a sense of purpose. If there’s something they don’t understand or know, they speak up. They embrace conflict and see it as a way to move themselves forward. They don’t shy away from tough situations or challenges. To feel passion and vigor, we must be engaged.

For many, this awareness of a need to reengage can come after a period of feeling sidelined. Maybe those around you are achieving their goals and you’re feeling behind, or maybe they don’t even HAVE goals and they’re just satisfied with the status quo. If you’ve surrounded yourself in an environment of goal-getters and driven engagers but you’ve lost your passion, it’s time to reengage and figure out how you can meet your yearnings. Use their engagement to inspire you and drive you. Ask them how they do it, and listen to what they have to say.

If, on the other hand, you’re at a job where everyone seems to be lackluster and phoning it in, maybe you need to rethink your role and position to find something that meets your energy and stimulates your mind.

Revelate

If your office staff and coworkers fall somewhere in between engaged and lackluster, surround yourself with those who are really going for it and pushing themselves. At the same time, figure out new ways you can ignite not only your passion but also the passions of those you work with.

The best way to become a beacon of engagement in the office? By refocusing on your vision—the articulation of not only your goals as an office but your ultimate ideal as a company. If everyone’s stressed out, burnt out and sick of each other, coming in at the New Year after a holiday break can be a great time to really hit the ground running.

Revelating is a term that describes both the awareness of ourselves and of new possibilities as well as the act of revealing ourselves in expression. Revelating can be inspirational, like discovering a new possibility for a course of action…We realize we’ve been managed by…limited thinking that has been holding us back, restricting our happiness and fulfillment. As we start to act differently, revelating helps us start thinking differently.

–Transformed! The Science of Spectacular Living

The New Year is a great time to revelate! In fact, the New Year is synonymous with revelating. Now is the time to revelate, discover the new possibilities and how to get there, and look at what you can do to start thinking and acting in a way that will propel you to a year of success!

Work on Your Vision

As you work on revelating and igniting others around you to do the same, let your vision be your guide. Think about your company values. How do you see your role in the company changing this year? What is the big-picture vision for both your career and life in general, and do they sync up?

When we have a vision, it guides us and keeps us in line. It helps us to know if we’re serving our customers and clients, and if we’re actually making a difference in what we do. It’s that knowledge—the awareness that we’re actually mattering to the world and doing something positive—that’s so powerful and motivating. No matter what your line of work, from artist to non-profit coordinator to commercial banker, you have to identify the bigger “why does this work matter?” question, answer it, and work toward that continued goal.

Go forth into the New Year with a renewed sense of focus and a clear vision in your mind. What do you want your life to look like at the close of next year? What changes do you hope to make, and how will you be discovering your yearnings, engaging and revelating by this time next year?

Happy New Year! If you’re looking for more ways to grow and unlock your potential, please join us for our upcoming MORE Life Training, where you’ll learn the skills to unlock your best self.

Tag: Hope

Why New Year’s Resolutions
Fail – and How To Succeed