Be More Self (Care)-Ish: It’s Good for Everyone

We hear a lot about the importance of self-care these days, but what does it really mean, and why is it so important that we CARE about ourselves?

A woman sholding a mug of tea, looking out the window with a slight smile on her face. Text overlay reads "Be More Self(Care) Ish: Self-Compassion is Good For Everyone" with the Wright Foundation logo


Being selfish feels wrong somehow, am I right?

For many of us, we’ve been told to work hard, be busy, take care of others, achieve at all costs… If we put attention on ourselves, we’re selfish, or self-centered, or… If we aren’t working or busy or productive, then we’re lazy or unmotivated. This teaches us NOT to care about ourselves for most of our lives. We’ve been told NOT to put our well-being first.

But I’m here to say, “Do it! Care about yourself first!”

Why? Because:

  1. If we don’t, no one else will either.
  2. When we’re healthier, everyone around us becomes healthier.
  3. Burn-out is serious, especially with everything going on in the world right now.
  4. Self-care also means honoring commitments we make to ourselves, creating great personal power.

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”

– Paulo Coelho


What Does Self-Compassion Have to Do with Feeling Safe?

Dr. Kristen Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, confirms that one of the biggest reasons we aren’t more self-compassionate is that we’re afraid we’ll become self-indulgent. We’re worried we’ll get soft or lazy. We believe that self-criticism keeps us in line and at the top of our game.

But what do we do then when we feel afraid or hurt or angry or sad? True self-care means letting ourselves have our feelings. ALL of them. Especially the ones that make us uncomfortable—and we know which ones they are! Feelings don’t make us soft. They make us human.

Let’s explore fear. As humans, we all long to feel secure from the time we are born. First, we look to our parents to feel safe. Then we try to bring a sense of security into our lives by understanding our environment, seeking what is familiar, and predicting outcomes.

As we grow up, we learn that certainty equals security.

So when our world feels a little shaky, we begin to feel afraid, and we start doing everything we can NOT to feel that. We ignore it. We pretend it’s not real. We numb ourselves.

One of the first things we tell our students at Wright is that when our feelings feel like too much, we can use the term coined by Dan Siegel and “name it to tame it.” Neuroscience research shows that when we name our emotions, they often feel less confusing and overwhelming. There are many articles on this – here’s a particularly powerful one.

Think about small children. When they have a terrible moment, they let it out immediately. And they immediately feel better. It’s not a coincidence. The emotions we don’t let out and express will always eat us up and make us feel miserable.

And that’s when our soft addictions, those seemingly harmless habits that so often disguise themselves as self-care, start throwing a party. Literally and figuratively.

Why Binge-Watching Netflix is NOT Self-Care

One of the reasons soft addictions are such an easy way to feel like we’re nourishing ourselves is that they offer immediate gratification.

How simple is it to drive through and grab a triple-shot-non-fat-light-on-the-extra-whip-decaf-espresso? How easy is it to go online and shop ‘til we drop? We instantly feel a little rush, like we’re somehow making the moment special, and don’t we all deserve that?

We do! And that’s what makes soft addictions so sneaky.

Is there anything more satisfying than hitting the “watch next episode” button on Netflix or Hulu or whatever you’re zoning out to?

Yes, there is! And though the satisfaction is not immediate, it’s sustaining.

Don’t get me wrong. I love donuts and chocolate as much as the next person. And watching a movie with my husband can be fabulous. And anyone who knows me knows I love to shop!

But now, I try to do these things while understanding the yearning underneath them that I am trying to satisfy. Yearnings are the deepest longing of our hearts, and they are universal: to love and be loved, to touch and be touched, to connect, to create, to be seen, to be heard, and as I said earlier, to feel safe and secure.

When we know the yearning beneath the want, we can turn the soft addiction into an act of self-care.

So if I know that I’m yearning to connect, I’ll communicate to Bob BEFORE I snuggle up next to him for a movie. When I do that, I’m honoring my own heart. I’m being present with myself AND with him. And when the movie ends, I’ll know my yearning to connect is just beginning.

You Can’t Please Everyone, So…

What happens when we don’t practice a life of deep self-care?

What happens when we choose to ignore our yearnings and focus instead on external things? We can end up living an inauthentic life.

When we spend all our precious days simply trying to please others, we often end up facing the end of our lives with regrets and resentments.

Here are the top four regrets that people have on their deathbed:

  1.     I wish I dared to be my real self and not how others wanted me to be.
  2.     I wish I had lived a life true to myself and not the life others expected of me.
  3.     I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
  4.     I wish I had faced my fear of change and let myself be happier.

All four of those wishes encompass self-compassion. They each express the desire to acknowledge our feelings and say them out loud. And that they each question the social norm, especially when it goes against our joy.


“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.”

– Rupi Kaur


Of course, I’m not saying to ignore the needs of others. Living a life of self-compassion includes living a life of compassion. But the truth is, when we know how to show kindness to ourselves, we’re far more likely to know how to show compassion to others.

What’s the first thing the flight attendants instruct us to do before the plane takes off? To put on our own oxygen masks first. Because if we run out of oxygen, we can’t help anyone.

Self-care and self-compassion are the oxygen masks we must put on each day. We can show up as our best selves, physically and emotionally, when we do.

We can meet the world and whatever it’s offering at the moment, with our whole and authentic selves.


About the Author

Judith Wright receives the Visionary Leader Award from Chicago NAWBO.

Dr. Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach. She is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.
Loving the content and want more? Follow Judith on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest!


The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Foundation’s performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

Get Out of a Rut and Into the Life You Want: 5 Tips for Overcoming Timewasting Soft Addictions

Are you wondering how to get out of a rut? Do you feel like you’re stuck in life? Eating too much? Watching too much TV? Shopping? Procrastinating?



Many of us fall into these time-wasting habits, or what we like to call soft addictions. These little activities add up to feeling stuck, bored, unfulfilled, or just plain blah. Wondering if you’re addicted to timewasters? Take this soft addictions quiz.

Is it time to break out of your bad habits? Before you doomscroll through your social media feed again or decide what to binge on Netflix next, consider these 5 tips to get out of a rut and overcome soft addictions!

Why We End Up Addicted to Timewasters

We’ve all turned to soft addictions at one point or another. Soft addictions are habits that seem harmless enough at first. Maybe there’s a little puzzle game you like to play on your phone at night. Maybe you enjoy shopping for items online that you never really intend to buy. Or perhaps you find yourself saying yes to dessert every time you hit the lunch cafeteria.

The truth is, there’s nothing really wrong with these little activities now and again. Watching a good movie is one of life’s great pleasures. Social media can be an easy way to stay connected with far-off family and friends. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying ice cream or chips.

When soft addictions become a problem is when they start to rob us of time, money, energy, and the happiness we long for. We start to spend so much time “escaping” into these seemingly harmless habits that we don’t have time for the activities that really bring us joy, contentment, and connection.

For example, we might go out with friends but find ourselves scrolling through our phones to read up on Twitter instead of engaging and being present with the people around us. Or we might spend time and money that we don’t have shopping online, only to find that the temporary high wears off quickly and we don’t even like what we bought.


Soft addictions become a way to escape and a way to distance ourselves from real life, where the engagement REALLY happens.


It can feel safe to stay in our shell and follow our routine—come home from work, microwave dinner, prop up our feet, and scroll through TV channels, but after a short time, it starts to feel like we’re stuck. We need to get out of a rut and that means training ourselves to engage in new habits.

When we want more time, more excitement, and more fulfillment, it’s time to take a hard look at the activities that are robbing us of those precious moments. Here are 5 tips to help us get out of a rut and back into life.

5 Tips to Overcoming Your Soft Addictions

In the book The Soft Addiction Solution, we explain that our timewasting habits are normal, human, and might even feel really good in the moment. When we engage in many activities, it can almost mask as self-care. We may think, “I’m finally taking a moment to chill and relax,” or, “I work so hard all day that I deserve to come home and do nothing at night.”

But what is that chill time costing you?

1. Tell yourself the truth about your soft addictions.

One of the hardest steps to get out of a rut is making the first move. We have to be honest with ourselves and that means, realizing that we may not feel like our soft addictions are destructive. We may feel like we deserve to indulge. We may feel a little guilty, but we tell ourselves we’re just too tired to deal with it right now. We’ll change tomorrow, or next week, or after the new year.

While most of us minimize, hide, or deceive ourselves about our bad habits, if we want to get out of a rut and start to make changes, we have to get real. We have to be truthful if we want to set ourselves free. We need to take an honest look at our time-sucking activities. What are our soft addictions? Do we overeat? Oversleep? Do we find that we’re addicted to too much internet? Do we spend too much time gossiping about others or fixating on what our coworkers, neighbors, or classmates are doing? Write down those bad habits and above all, be honest.

2. Get Support.

Almost any behavior change requires support. If we’re engaged in harder addictive habits like drugs, cigarettes, or alcohol, we might recognize that we need help and support to change those behaviors. Soft addictions can feel easier to control. We may find ourselves thinking, “I could quit whenever I want, but I don’t want to right now.”


But if we feel stuck in a rut, then it’s time for a change. No matter what the habit is that we want to break, accountability is one of the most important factors. That means, speaking up and telling others about the change—request allies in your fight!


It’s surprising how much support we can receive when we speak up and ask for what we need. We may discover that we aren’t alone in our soft addiction and many other people are struggling with the same less-than-healthy habits.

3. Examine your feelings.

Once we figure out which soft addiction we want to tackle, we need to address the feelings that are leading us to turn to that timewaster. Sometimes when we feel uncomfortable with an emotion—like anger, sadness, fear, or hurt, we might turn to snacks or distractions to help us zone out and avoid those feelings.

Soft addictions give us a temporary boost, but the problem is that the boost doesn’t last and oftentimes, it can compound feelings like shame or disappointment, because we feel worse after. When we think the only thing that will make us feel better is a chocolate chip cookie, we can stop and think about how we’re feeling. Are we really feeling sad? Angry? Hurt? Before we reach for the soft addiction, we can tell someone how we’re feeling and start to express our emotions in a productive way.

4. Celebrate success.

If we want to get out of a rut, we have to celebrate the little steps along the way. Maybe we ate two donuts this week instead of three. Maybe we exercised for the first time after avoiding the gym for six months. Maybe we went for a walk in the fresh air rather than hitting “play” on the next episode on Netflix. Whatever it was, celebrate it!

One of the most powerful tools for successful change is celebrating success in any fashion. We get a little mood boost (that we would get from indulging in our bad habits). Better still, we start making new, better habits at the same time. We shouldn’t beat ourselves up because our accomplishment seems small or insignificant compared to the goal. Celebrate each success along the way, no matter the size!

5. Learn the skills you need.

If we’re stuck in a rut, we might feel unfulfilled, blue, tired, less healthy, or down about ourselves. There’s no quick fix that will instantly give us a meaningful, fulfilling, healthy life. It takes incremental steps and a sustained effort over time. It’s one of the situations where the joy is truly in the journey.

Each step we start to discover and build skills we will need to propel ourselves forward on the path. Look at each moment as a learning experience—what can we take away from this situation? What can we use from this moment to help us again down the road? What did we discover about ourselves?

If you want to overcome your soft addictions, take the steps to recognize what they are, and start making the change today. Explore the Soft Addiction Solution for more tips on how we can kick time wasters and start to fill our lives with juicy, exciting, joyful experiences that help drive our sense of meaning and purpose.

If you’re looking for more ideas on living a life of MORE, visit Wright Now. We offer many different courses and resources to help you get more from your career, your relationships, and your life. Today is the day to get MORE out of your life! Don’t wait!

 


About the Author

Judith Wright receives the Visionary Leader Award from Chicago NAWBO.

Dr. Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach. She is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.
Loving the content and want more? Follow Judith on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest!


The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Foundation’s performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

5 Inspiring Traits of Successful People

There are a few universal traits of successful people — and you may be surprised to learn they aren’t all that mysterious.


Wondering what makes successful people tick? Don’t miss these 5 inspiring traits of successful people, including tips to emulate these qualities.


What makes a successful person, well, successful? We all know someone magnetic. They’re good at what they do, firing on all cylinders, passionate, and engaged. But what are the traits of successful people (and how can we get some of what they’re having)?

When we meet a successful person, they’ve “got it.” But sometimes, we might also see familiar flickers in these qualities. The truth is, we all have the capacity to become successful and to fully live the life we want to pursue. Yes, there may be logistical hurdles, but everyone has infinite potential.

So, how do we tap into our potential? How do we emulate the traits of successful people so we can enjoy the same high-quality results?

Defining Our Idea of Success

We all know when we meet someone who’s successful. Sometimes it’s hard to put our finger on the quality, but when we connect with inspiring, dynamic, successful people, we’ll likely notice that they all share some commonalities.

  • Successful people are magnanimous.
  • Successful people know how to “work the room.”
  • Successful folks know how to draw people in.
  • Successful people own it.
  • Somehow, the most successful people make every person they meet feel essential and vital to their mission, project, or task.

These universal traits of successful people aren’t all that mysterious. The question is how they acquired these qualities, and is it possible for us to tap into the same dynamic?

Before we examine the traits of successful people, it helps first to define what it means to be successful. Does a successful person make a lot of money? Are they at the pinnacle of their career? Are they attractive? Popular? There are a lot of different definitions of success, and most of us can probably agree that the markers of success may vary.


But in the most significant sense, all successful people are fulfilled. The most successful people are vision-driven. They’re leaders. Successful people have a sense of purpose.


Are these bastions of success happy all the time? Of course not! (Who is?) However, they’re generally positive and enjoying their life. They’re engaged and extracting the most out of every moment. Successful people might feel satisfied and confident in what they have and what they’ve achieved, but they also drive themselves forward to keep reaching the next milestone. Successful people don’t rest on their laurels; they strive for the next peak and the chance to tackle their next goal.

What Makes a Person Successful in Life? 5 Traits of Successful People

1. Successful People Know Their “Why”

Successful people understand their raison d’être: their reason for being. They know why they get up every day and why they want more. Successful people have a larger mission. They have a vision of where they want to end up.

One of the universal traits of successful people is that a higher purpose generally drives them both in their professional life and personal goals. Now, “higher-purpose” doesn’t mean they’re always religious or even spiritual. It means that they understand their true calling and impact on the world. They’re heeding the call, and it propels them forward. They’re not focused on the simple, temporal rewards that will only get them ahead in the here and now.

Successful people are mission-driven with their eyes on the prize. They stay laser-focused on their larger mission, even if it’s broad, lofty, or nearly unattainable.

2. They’re Willing to Fight

When we say that successful people are willing to fight, it might seem to contradict what we mentioned above. After all, didn’t we just say that successful people were magnanimous and driven by a higher purpose? That doesn’t sound like a person who’s argumentative or angry.

But there’s a distinction between being willing to fight FOR someone or something we believe in and being a petty, angry, or argumentative contrarian. Fighting for something means that we aren’t afraid of conflict because we recognize that conflict is sometimes a necessary step toward reaching a larger goal.

For example, it’s healthier for both parties when we fight for the betterment of a relationship (rather than zoning out or resorting to passive-aggressiveness). Similarly, it can be healthy and productive when we’re fighting for a cause or idea that we feel passionate about at work. We might even be the one who saves the company from a disaster rather than silently watching the ship sink.

Successful people aren’t doormats. They don’t ignore problems; they stand up and get their point across. They also handle their frustration responsibly—they don’t demean others or engage in collusion, bullying, or gossip. Instead, they rally and inspire others to their cause. They share the vision and engage in conflict because they believe in their cause and are willing to fight for it.

3. They’re Present in the Moment

Our lives are full of distractions, but successful people don’t let their distractions get in the way of fulfilling their yearnings. Successful people are mindful, present, and work to stay in the moment. Mindfulness roots us in the here and now rather than replaying the past or fearing the future. Mindfulness connects us with what we want—our deeper yearnings.

“If you’re not in touch with your yearnings…you may waste time and energy complaining to friends about how your company is being run by shortsighted leaders. Or you might miss that moment to love and to matter in your child’s life when you’re tucking her into bed, and she wants to talk, but your mind is jumping to all the “to do’s” left at work. Or maybe you dash off a hurried peck on the cheek to your mate on your way out the door and miss the opportunity to really see and appreciate each other for a moment while nourishing your yearning to love and be loved. When you are truly in harmony with what you yearn for, you experience every moment in a deeper and more fulfilling way.”
Transformed! The Science of Spectacular Living

Successful people don’t allow themselves to veer off course and waste time. They’re productive and focused. They don’t while away the hours with soft addictions like television, social media, and other methods people use to distract and numb themselves from reality. Instead, successful people stay fully engaged. They go for it! They’re in the moment because they know each moment gives them a chance to grow, explore, and get more out of life.

4. Successful People Practice “Know Thyself”

Now, depending on how we define success, we know that not all “successful people” are self-aware or self-actualized. Take a look at the current political climate or the latest corporate scandal! But people who are the most successful and get the most satisfaction out of their lives practice a growth mindset.


A growth mindset means learning from our mistakes and constantly exploring ways to be better. We’re figuring out our drivers, yearnings, and what our heart truly wants and needs to feel a sense of purpose.


Successful people identify ways to get what they want—what will bring them a sense of satisfaction. They aren’t afraid to roll up their sleeve and do the work to get to where they want to be.

When we learn new things, we form new neuropathways. These new experiences reshape and grow our brains. Without learning and growth, we become dull and stagnant. We may show signs of aging and cognitive decline. We start to disengage and checkout. We find ourselves on autopilot. When we stop growing, we experience the antithesis of success.

On the other hand, successful people explore their inner workings because they want to understand themselves. They aren’t afraid to do personal growth work. They work with coaches, mentors, allies, and peers to understand who they really are. Successful people know that unlocking the secrets of our personality, motivations, and yearnings helps us build up our emotional intelligence—our superpower!

5. They Listen and Lead

When we’re around successful people, we often feel more successful ourselves. It’s almost like osmosis. Transformational leaders become powerful because they share their vision of success with others. They don’t dictate their goals and tasks, but they lead people to realize their own visions. Then, they explore how those visions align and overlap to bring success to the entire team.

Successful leaders don’t bark orders at people. They don’t talk over others or treat them down. They’re assertive to be sure—they say what they want, but they also listen. They work to hear and understand their peers. They want to learn what drives others and what makes them tick. Successful people know that they’re only as good as their team, spouse, and social circle. Their bosses love them because they make their boss look great!

Listening is a powerful tool for success. Often, we want to power through our discussions with others and drag them toward our point. Yet, listening, suggesting, and guiding would get us better results and allow others to share in the success. We can learn to listen by practicing with others—stay in the moment, engage, and really hear what they’re trying to express. We can share our vision and figure out a path together to get what we both want.

Success isn’t a trait we’re born with or inherent talent. To become successful, we have to work and focus. We must be willing to grow, change, listen, and lead. The traits of successful people aren’t mysterious or secretive. The path to success is clear and attainable for anyone willing to do the work.

If you’re ready to find success, don’t miss our resources at Wright Now! We have courses and materials to help you bring out your best in your career, relationship, and personal life. Get more of what you want today!

 


About the Author

Judith Wright receives the Visionary Leader Award from Chicago NAWBO.

Dr. Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach. She is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.
Loving the content and want more? Follow Judith on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest!


The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Foundation performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

Five Steps to Getting What You Really Want

When a friend asks what you want to do, are you able to answer right away, or do you struggle? What if someone asks what you want from your job? Your relationship? Your life?

Struggling to name what you really want out of life? Here's how learning your yearnings will help you find purpose and meaning.


Do you have a list of “wants” that seems endless and unattainable? Or, do you know what you don’t want, but aren’t sure about what you do want? Do you feel like you’re left unsatisfied even when you get what you want?

You’re not alone!

Knowing what you want is a crucial life skill. You can get what you want when you want it. Here’s how to finally figure out what you are truly seeking.

Step One—If You Like It, Say It!

I’ve struggled with knowing or saying what I want my whole life—even the simplest decisions. For example, I’d scan the menu endlessly at a restaurant because I wasn’t sure what I wanted for dinner—let alone what I wanted for my life.

Know what I mean? (Tell me I’m not alone on this!)

The first step to knowing what you want is to be aware of what you like. Start expressing those likes in small ways. If you see something you’re attracted to or that makes you feel good, simply say it out loud:

  • I like what you’re wearing
  • I like what she said
  • I like the color red
  • I like holding a hot mug of tea in my hands
  • I like it when people help strangers

No ‘like’ is too small or unimportant. As you continue to declare your preferences, you’ll start to get a clearer picture of what pleases you. It’s like your “aha’ light goes on, and you’ll suddenly realize what REALLY matters to you.

Keep going—you’re beginning to form opinions that will lead you to your deepest desires.

Step Two—If You Don’t Like It, Say It!

As important as it is to know what you like, it’s equally important to know what you DON’T like.


The second step to getting what you really want is to start expressing your DISLIKES in small ways.


What bugs you, annoys you, or displeases you? Start making a list. Then, when you are with others and you see, feel, or taste something that you don’t like or doesn’t feel right to you, say it aloud. Responsibly, of course. The point is to not to just judge another but to get more comfortable consciously expressing your dislikes clearly and directly.

It takes practice. Start with saying what you don’t like. And then, bring up something small you dislike about someone else’s behavior, and build from there.

  • I don’t like beets
  • I don’t like that music
  • I don’t like rush hour traffic
  • I don’t like it when you use your phone at the dinner table
  • I don’t like it when you leave your wet towel on the bed
  • I don’t like when you leave dirty dishes in the sink
  • I don’t like it when you don’t call me back

Step Three—Focus on the WHY, Not the WHAT

Now you’re ready to start exploring what’s underneath those likes and dislikes—to discover why they matter to you.

It’s easy to feel confused about what it is you really want. You may think you want to lose weight or get a new car. You may think you want a certain item (or items!) on Amazon. You may want to go on more dates or wish you could get promoted at work.

This is often what psychologists call “mis-wanting”—mistakenly thinking some THING will bring you happiness, only to find the moment is fleeting, or you don’t feel all that satisfied when you get it.

What is it about the promotion or the designer dress that leaves you feeling a little empty—even let down—once you get it? Are you doomed to dissatisfaction?


Is it just wrong to want things? Absolutely not! But if you never know WHY you want a certain thing, you will always feel unsatisfied once you get it.


So, how do you get satisfaction from your wants?

Think about this: What do you hope that thing/accomplishment/goal or…will do for you?

Answering this question will help you learn what you truly long for deep inside—at the Wright Foundation we call these yearnings. Underneath every want that we have is a deeper yearning. They are the deep universal wants of your heart that, as humans, we all share—to love and be loved, to connect and create, to matter, to achieve our purpose, to serve, to be seen.

The list goes on, and once you begin to learn yours, everything changes.

Step Four: Satisfaction and the “So That” Test

You want to run a 5k. You train. You work hard. Every morning you get up with the alarm, put on your sneakers, and hit the pavement. Maybe you use one of those training apps. You buy new shoes. You sign up for your race.

Then the day of the race comes. You cross the finish line, and you feel great…for a moment. Then the feeling passes. You look back at your hard work and think, “Is that it?’ or  “I’m still the same as I was before.” Or, you feel empty or dissatisfied –and start looking for another goal or accomplishment to fill the void.

This is because you didn’t know WHY you were doing it in the first place. You didn’t know what you were yearning for beneath your goals.

If you want to get more out of your goals, put them to the “so that” test.

Why do you want to run a 5k?

So that I can say I did it.

Why?

So that people will see me as more accomplished.

Why?

So that people will respect me.

Respect! You want to run a 5K so that people will respect you, and you yearn to be respected.

Go through that process with any “want,” and you’ll always find the deeper longing beneath. And when you know what you truly yearn for, you don’t have to wait to win a race or buy that designer dress or… You can meet that yearning in a myriad of ways right in the moment.

Step Five: Yearn, Baby, Yearn!

Everyone has yearnings. They drive you. And when they are met, you feel satisfied.


It doesn’t matter if you run a 5k, give a TED talk, or own the biggest house on the block. If getting those things aren’t connected to your yearnings, you’ll go to bed feeling unsatisfied every night.


I read a book where the author was on top of his sport. He was at the pinnacle of performance. He had won the trophy and achieved his goal. The night after he won he was sitting in his bedroom, and he thought, “Is this it? Is that all there is?”

All these empty feelings came up for him. He thought, “Well, if I keep hitting more goals, maybe it will be enough.” He eventually realized that’s not the point, and it sent him on a life journey. Why was he doing sports in the first place? Was he yearning to feel alive? In control of his life? Did he want security? Recognition?

Like him, I was the girl who was good at goals. I had a strong will and worked hard to achieve those goals. Yet, even as I ticked them off, I soon felt empty again.

Only when I figured out WHY I was chasing those goals–what I really yearned for– did I finally feel nourished.

The more I did that, the more I became even more successful than my original goals because now I was focused on getting what I yearned for deep inside. I, like every human on the planet, yearn to love and be loved, to matter, to connect, and to make a difference. I didn’t yearn to get the goal, I yearned for what I thought that goal would do for me. And when I focused on meeting my yearnings directly in the moment, rather than some arbitrary end goal, I actually had better results. But more importantly, I was satisfied, nourished, and fulfilled.

Yearnings are the answer to living a satisfying life, and I am grateful to share them with you. You deserve to live a satisfying life—a life where your deepest longings are met.

As we connect our yearnings to our satisfaction, we not only begin to live our best lives, we contribute to creating a world that works for everyone.

What’s not to like about that? To discover more about living up to your full potential, don’t miss our resources on Wright Now. We have many different courses available to help you discover more about yourself, your relationships, and your career. Also, check out our upcoming events. Get MORE today!


 About the Author

Dr. Judith Wright

Dr. Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach.
She is a co-founder of The Wright Foundation and the Wright Graduate University.


Loving the content and want more? Follow Judith on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest!

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The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Foundation performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

The Joy of Truth: Express Your Likes and Dislikes to Get More of What You Want in Your Relationships

Do you ever wonder what likes and dislikes you should express in your relationship–or HOW you should express those feelings?


Are you ok? Do you need something to drink? How about a pillow? I want you to be comfortable while you’re reading this!

For most of my life, I’ve been so focused on OTHER people—what do they like? What do they need? I was so focused on what others like, I wasn’t aware of what I liked or needed. Even now, I want you to be comfortable while you’re reading this–and didn’t check in with myself to see that I am comfortable writing this!

But a lifetime of not being in touch with myself and not tending to my own needs eventually started taking a toll. I was feeling empty, unsatisfied, unhappy. I felt alone even when I was with someone–because I wasn’t with me. I wasn’t expressing my true thoughts, needs, or desires.

I went on dates and smiled at the right times and nodded my head at the right times, and said, Oh, that’s so interesting, but inside, it was SO not interesting to me. My real self was utterly bored and gagging.

The absurdity of that when I look back still blows me away. I wanted to be liked and loved for who I was, for someone to know ME, but I wasn’t even there. How could they know me, or know my likes and dislikes in a relationship? I was so focused on their experience, I wasn’t expressing my true thoughts, needs, ideas, opinions, or feelings.

Can you relate? Have you ever done something that felt completely NOT you just to fit in? To not make anyone else uncomfortable? I wanted to find true love, but how could I find that when I wasn’t true to myself?

Why Do We Lie?

Do you know that each of us experiences 200 lies a day? That’s seven lies an hour!

Do you also know that 100% of dating couples lie? 100%! And how about this? We’re more likely to lie to our co-workers than strangers.


Why are we so afraid to say what we like and don’t like? Because we want to look good, we’re afraid to be vulnerable, or we don’t want to make others uncomfortable.


Somewhere in our lives, most of us have been taught consciously or subconsciously that certain parts of ourselves were NOT ok. So, we created false selves–only presenting certain aspects of ourselves to the world around us and hiding the parts we thought were not ok. These false selves were formed by the time we were seven years old, and we continue to build on them throughout our lives.

But imagine how powerful we could be if we let ourselves be vulnerable and honest—if we showed up, and kept showing up, as our authentic selves.

“This above all, to thine own self be true.”
– William Shakespeare

Once we understand that our authentic selves are exactly who we need to be–and ultimately what the world wants and needs us to be–we can realize that we don’t have to hide behind our false selves anymore!

Tell the Truth and Deepen Relationships

My awakening came when I had my first blind date with Bob. I had decided I was going to tell the truth on dates. Finally, I was done smiling and nodding and pretending to like whatever the person sitting across from me was saying.

I was done being fake, and I decided to tell the truth. My likes and dislikes in relationships, what I agreed or disagreed with, to give my dates my true reactions to what they were saying and how they were being.

And dang if he didn’t respond in the same way!

It was kind of shocking at first. But it was also kind of electric. Something real was happening here. This wasn’t about two people trying to impress each other.

This was two people being exactly who they were and discovering exactly who the other person was. We were getting to know each other AS OURSELVES.

And that’s where the sparks are.

I wasn’t trying to please him, and I wasn’t trying to present myself in some false way. And neither was he.

It was scary to go against the grain. To say what I liked and didn’t like. But it was also fresh and alive, intimate, and real. And when that is the truth of the moment we’re living, we’re way more likely to get what we want!

You can apply this in a lot of ways (wink wink).

And this is not only true for romantic relationships, but for our relationships with our families, friends, and co-workers too.

Our Dislikes are as Powerful as Our Likes…

…And letting them both be known is crucial!

Of course, I’m not saying we should just dump all over people. But often in relationships, people expect us to be mind readers. Or we expect them to read our minds. We complain that this person doesn’t know what we want, but we never told them what we want to begin with!


Here’s the deeper truth: the real purpose of relationships is not to make us happy. The real purpose of relationships is to help us learn and grow and become MORE of who we are.


Yes, of course, relationships should have happy moments, but WE are 100% responsible for our happiness and satisfaction—in AND out of relationships.

And we are 100% responsible for our likes and dislikes in our relationships.

Early in our relationship, Bob and I decided we would have a “no secrets” contract. Was it challenging? Yes. Does it continue to be? Yes! There are many times I don’t want to divulge the truth. I don’t always want him to know even how much I’ve spent on a pair of shoes. But because of our commitment to no secrets, I must dig a little deeper and explore why I don’t want him to know. Is it because I don’t think I deserve to spend that money on myself? Is it because I’m afraid he might judge my decision? Am I worried that this purchase might somehow make me less loveable?

Now I’m getting somewhere. One of my deepest yearnings is to be loved. I’m risking that he will stop loving me by telling him this truth. Or at least that’s what my mind is telling me.

But our relationship is built on being real, sharing everything, telling the truth, letting each other know what we’re feeling and thinking. And also, being responsible in our communications­–cleaning things up when we’ve been out of line. We’ve built a foundation of trust that allows me to take that risk.

And if something does happen, I know we’ll handle that. And get to know ourselves and each other better because of it.

Conflict helps us grow. In the book Bob and I co-wrote, The Heart of the Fight, we identify that the common thread of most conflicts is unmet yearnings. Those longings we wish our relationship would satisfy for us. But when we accept that we are 100% responsible for our own happiness, that conflict shifts too.

Can you see how the ripples of being ourselves can so powerfully affect every part of all our relationships?

You Do You

The risk of being ourselves in our relationships is a big one. But it’s worth it.

After practicing it for so many years, I now WANT people to tell me what they like and don’t like. And I rarely (because we are all works in progress) try to fake my way through a conversation or a meeting just to make someone more comfortable. I value forthrightness—in others and myself.


“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
— James Baldwin


We don’t have to be anyone else.  Come on—let’s take off our masks and let our real selves shine! To discover more about living up to your full potential, don’t miss our resources on Wright Now. We have many different courses available to help you discover more about yourself, your relationships, and your career. Get MORE today!


 About the Author

Dr. Judith Wright

Dr. Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach.
She is a co-founder of The Wright Foundation and the Wright Graduate University.


Loving the content and want more? Follow Judith on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest!

Liked this post and want more? Sign up for updates – free!

The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Foundation performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

4 Self-Empowerment Tips to Empower Yourself Today!

We all experience moments where we doubt ourselves, beat ourselves up over something we did or said, or hold back from going for what we really want.

Want to tap into your personal power? Follow these 4 crucial self-empowerment tips to help you discover your inner strength.

 

 


We might hear a lot about empowerment these days, but what does it really mean to be empowered?

Inside each of us is a vast reserve of personal power and influence. When we tap into these self-empowerment tips, we can greatly affect our path, attitude, and actions with a shift in our thoughts. Even better? We can influence and empower others in our lives as well.

Are you ready to tap into your reserve of power? Follow these self-empowerment tips to summon the strength and courage to go for what you want!

What Does it Mean to Empower Yourself?

Empowerment has become something of a buzzword of late. Many people talk about empowering themselves or empowering others, but what does it really mean? Power means to do work or have influence. So if we want to empower ourselves, we need to understand how we work and recognize the influence we hold over ourselves and those around us.

We may think we don’t have a big circle of influence, especially if we work from home or in a small office. After all, how do we empower and influence others when we only see a few people each day? Well, believe it or not, each of us has an extensive circle of influence—much broader than we may think.

We directly influence those we interact with each day, creating a ripple effect. This influence works with both positive and negative actions. For example, a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that we’re 61% more likely to be a smoker if a friend smokes. Even more surprising? If a friend of a friend smokes, we’re still 11% more likely to smoke!

Amazingly enough, the same levels of influence hold true for our happiness and satisfaction too. If the friend of a friend OF A FRIEND is happy with their life, we’re 6% more likely to feel happy with our own life. Granted, 6% might not seem like a significant percentage, but if we surround ourselves directly with several happy friends, our chances of satisfaction continue to rise!


When we realize the scope of our influence, we’re likely to discover that we’re far more powerful than we initially thought.


We’ve all heard the theory that we’re separated by 6 degrees—meaning that we’re only six connections away from every person on the planet. Recent research has found that this may be even closer, and most of us average between 3.5-4.5 degrees of separation. With social media and an increasingly global society, this number continues to shrink.

Learning to empower ourselves means tapping into this reserve of personal power and influence—examining our relationship with that power. As we recognize, embrace, and grow in our personal power, we are likely to have even more impact on those in our world. In other words, the more we are ourselves, the more power we manifest into the world and the more influence we have on others. The more we’re guided by what matters to us, the more personal power—self-empowerment—we have.

So how do we tap into our power? When we discover our strengths, preferences, likes, and dislikes, it helps us find the path to self-empowerment. The better we know ourselves, the more attuned we will be to the things that empower us. Many people aren’t sure what they really want out of life. They’ve tried to go with the flow, allowing life to happen TO them rather than creating the life they want to live.

During our Year of More program, our students tackle weekly assignments where they challenge their worldviews. They examine different aspects of their personalities and explore new ways to elicit actions and reactions from those around them. We call the work “the assignment way of living.” Each day in life, we’re choosing to try something new, work on a new project, make a new discovery, and take steps to unearth our potential.

Students often find out that they didn’t know what they wanted before starting the Year of More. They may have believed that they wanted money, a bigger house, an attractive partner, or lots of friends, but those wants weren’t really meeting their underlying yearnings. Our yearnings are bigger, deeper spiritual wants and hungers that we each hold.


We may yearn to be loved, to love, to be needed, to be respected, or to feel safe. We may yearn to be seen by others, to be heard, to be valued. Yearnings are universal longings of the heart. Every person holds certain yearnings that must be met to feel fulfilled.


When we explore our yearnings, it also helps us explore our preferences—what do we like? What do we prefer? Most of us try to read and cater to the wants of the outside world. In the back of our minds, we may wonder, “What do they want me to be? How can I please them? I don’t want to make them upset. I want to fit in. I want to belong.”

These ideas and beliefs guide our behavior. We want to make others comfortable. We don’t want to make them upset. But we’re not asking, “What would please me? What would satisfy me? What are my preferences?” These questions can guide us toward our personal power.

4 Self-Empowerment Tips to Increase Your Personal Power

1. Ask, “What do I like? What do I agree with?”

One assignment we explore during the Year of More is to discover what we like. Each student spends time exploring the question, “What do I like?” It sounds simple, but the discoveries are often profound. They also explore, “what don’t I like? What do I agree with? What don’t I agree with?” and then take on the challenge to voice those feelings.

Most of us haven’t practiced awareness of what we really yearn for, what we care about, and what we need to feel satisfied. When we dive into these questions and start expressing our feelings, we may be surprised at how quickly we actually get what we want.

As we think about these questions, we can dig in deeper by adding “so that” to the end of the want. The “so that” technique helps us drill down beneath the want and uncover the underlying yearning. For example, “I want a promotion so that I earn more money. I want to earn more money so that I can pay my bills. I want to pay my bills so that I feel more secure about my finances….” In this case, the underlying yearning is to feel secure.

Once we identify our yearnings, we can start seeking multiple ways to get them met by asking for them and recognizing opportunities to address our needs. This self-empowerment begins by identifying what we like and don’t like; then, we can better empower ourselves to become the person we want to be.

2. Displease Others

Another tough assignment we tackle in the Year of More is to empower ourselves by learning to displease others willingly. Let me say this is a TOUGH assignment for many students. But as they start to explore the power of “displeasing,” they often realize that it doesn’t mean being a jerk. Letting ourselves displease others often means learning how to set appropriate boundaries and learning to say no.

For example, maybe we’ve received a really difficult work assignment with an unrealistic deadline. Rather than being a Yes Man or Yes Woman and then stressing out about the impending failure, we can find more self-empowerment by speaking up and setting parameters. We can say, “I don’t know if I can complete this project in the given timeframe. I’m willing to work on it, but I will need these resources,” or, “I’ll take this on, but I will need more time to give it my best—can I have until Friday afternoon instead of Wednesday morning?”

It may sound daunting at first, but we can ask ourselves, what’s the worst that could happen in the situation? Our boss could say, “No. It has to get done.” And yes, that’s a real possibility, but isn’t it far more likely that when we express our concerns calmly and realistically, our boss will respect our candor and facilitate our success? This is especially likely if we’ve built a trusting relationship with our boss.

When we learn to negotiate in a way that works best for us, it’s empowering. We can learn to negotiate in a conversation with our spouse—“I’ll pick up the dry cleaning, you pick up the groceries,” or, “I’ll do the dishes, you get the kids ready for school.” By learning to speak up rather than acquiesce, we’re empowered. Our time becomes our own.

3. Seek Satisfaction Over Avoiding Loss

It’s quite human to operate with loss aversion. Most people will go to greater lengths to avoid loss than to make gains. We’re often more afraid of what we’ll lose by taking a risk and trying something new than the joy we could gain from the experience.

So what do we do? We avoid asking for things. We think, “I don’t want my friend to feel upset with me, so I’d better not ask.” We skirt issues. We don’t express our feelings.

On the other hand, what if we empowered ourselves to go for what we wanted? When we worry about others’ reactions, we might lose sight of what really matters. We’re often making unfounded predictions about their feelings too. We forgo the possible satisfaction because we don’t want to disrupt a norm or rock the boat.

But instead of avoiding loss, what if we allowed ourselves to fire up the motor on the boat and move towards what we really wanted? Think of the reward—the pleasure and satisfaction of getting what we really need and what would please us in the situation. We can empower ourselves to move toward the reward rather than fearing and avoiding the possible risk of loss.

4. Explore Your Limiting Beliefs

We all hold mistaken or limiting beliefs. It’s part of being human. Since childhood, we’ve carried these ideas with us, and they’re often challenging to identify and let go.

Mistaken beliefs might include thoughts like:

  • I’m not worthy.
  • Other people are more important than me.
  • I won’t be loved unless I’m perfect.
  • People won’t like me unless I please them.
  • I’m not enough.
  • I’m too much.

These are all mistaken beliefs that can profoundly affect our sense of self. These come from a belief that we’re undeserving, less than others, or must earn love and support. If we felt worthy, we’d feel empowered to ask directly for the things that satisfy and nourish us.


By becoming aware of our mistaken beliefs and working to counter them, we will start increasing our self-empowerment.


First, we can recognize that these beliefs are totally normal. Everyone has them. But we can speak kindly and lovingly to ourselves, saying, “I might not feel worthy right now, but I am a gift to others,” or, “If I believed that I had value, what would I say? How would I speak up?” or, better still, “what would I tell a friend in this situation?”

We often empower our friends and help them feel better about themselves. Then when we speak to ourselves internally, we are critical and harsh. When we start to become our own friends, we will start to talk to ourselves with kindness and understanding. Our mistaken beliefs are often synonymous with disempowering ideas. But the truth is that each of us is worthy and valuable. We are a gift to the world with a vast amount of influence and potential. When we shift our focus to remind ourselves of our worth, we can tap into that essential personal power.

To discover more about living up to your full potential, don’t miss our resources on Wright Now. We have many different courses available to help you discover more about yourself, your relationships, and your career. Get MORE today!


 About the Author

Dr. Judith Wright

Dr. Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach.
She is a co-founder of The Wright Foundation and the Wright Graduate University.


Loving the content and want more? Follow Judith on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest!

Liked this post and want more? Sign up for updates – free!

The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Foundation performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

Yearnings: Follow Your Inner-GPS to Express Your Wants and Needs in a Relationship

Do you feel like you’ve been fighting over nothing lately? Does every little thing become a nitpicky fight between you and your partner?



Are you expressing your wants and needs in your relationship? It’s a tricky question, but one that most of us have pondered before.

We believe (or maybe expect) that a relationship should meet our wants and needs. We hope that our partner will “get” us and do those things that help us feel connected, happy, and fulfilled. But most of us have probably realized that our partners aren’t mind-readers. We have to express those feelings to get them on the radar—but how?

If we want to meet our wants and needs in a relationship, we need to dive in and discover our yearnings. Here’s how.

When the Thrill is Gone

It may sound harsh, but even the best relationships hit rough patches. As the old song goes, “The thrill is gone,” and some of us might be wondering where it went

When a relationship starts, we’re often energized, engaged, and ready to put our “best foot forward.” But after a few months or years, we shift out of the lavender haze and may start to feel a loss of connection. We may feel like we’ve been fighting over nothing lately. Every little thing becomes a nitpicky fight between our partner and us.

After we cool down and step away for a minute, we might think,

  • “If we could just get away for a few days, we’d probably get along better,” or…
  • “If we’d just have sex, I’m sure we would feel reconnected.”

We may feel dissatisfied, but we can’t pinpoint the actual problem. We know that neither partner is having an affair. No one has a substance abuse problem. We still genuinely love and care about each other, but we don’t get the same sense of excitement we once did. We may even find ourselves thinking about other people or remembering other relationships fondly.

Essentially—the thrill is gone. But is it really? And more importantly, can we get it back?The good news is that all of these common relationship feelings are rooted in our yearnings.


We long to have our wants and needs met in a relationship, but we might not know how to get there. These longings are what we call yearnings. They are feelings that we all have—hunger of the soul. They go deeper than “I want to look good naked” or “I want to go on vacation.”


Yearnings speak to the desires of our heart:

  • We yearn to be acknowledged and known.
  • We yearn to be seen, valued, and loved.
  • We year for respect, connection, intimacy.

For most couples, yearnings and unmet yearnings are at the root of dissatisfaction and at the heart of every fight. Our yearnings drive us. Like GPS, they steer us toward the direction of greater happiness and satisfaction. Our yearnings push us toward the things we want.

We often say that yearnings make couples tick, and unmet yearnings tick couples off.

We can imagine for a moment: what it is like when our yearnings are met in our relationship. Think of a time when we got home, and our partner’s eyes lit up when they saw us. They told us how much they missed us and couldn’t wait to hear about our day.

Imagine telling that partner about something extraordinary that happened during the day and knowing our partner is thrilled for us. Envision asking them for something that we really wanted—a dinner, a long walk, a conversation, physical contact—and having them enthusiastically agree. Or imagine telling them something we’re dissatisfied with, and they acknowledge our feelings and work together on a resolution. These would be examples of interactions that speak to our inner yearnings.

When our yearnings are ignored or unmet in our relationship, we may find ourselves drifting in opposite directions. Maybe we’re feeling distant from our partner, but we aren’t sure why. We might be afraid to bring up problems and discuss our feelings because we’re sensing a hidden middle finger (or giving one ourselves). We might withdraw from the relationship and feel a sense of disconnectedness.

Expressing Your Yearnings: It’s Not Actually About His Socks on the Floor

Our yearnings are extremely powerful. They go deeper than wishing that our spouses would stop putting their socks on the floor. But sometimes, something as simple as socks on the floor can make us feel like our yearnings are ignored and brushed aside. If having a clean, organized home is important to one partner but not the other, there might be an incongruency. That difference is underscored when the preference isn’t something that’s been clearly expressed. Often one partner doesn’t realize the importance of picking up the socks, while the other partner feels ignored and frustrated.

Years of socks on the floor pile up, and so do frustrations. Each night the irritation builds as we silently pick up our partner’s socks and seethe about it. Eventually, this can lead to resentment. We make a crack about our spouse’s sloppiness to friends. We make something he hates for dinner. We ignore his comments about his day. We’re silent and angry, and our spouse is confused about why we’re so cold and annoyed with them.

But at the root, we probably grew up in different households with differing standards of cleanliness. To one partner, socks are no big deal—a sign of feeling relaxed and comfortable. To the other partner, socks on the floor are an affront that says, “I don’t care about the work you put into our household. I don’t respect you or notice your efforts.”

We’re often engaged in these little power struggles in relationships, and we aren’t even aware that they’re happening. These little resentments and actions build up and can even cause explosive fights that seemingly go nowhere. Our partner might start picking up the socks, but it doesn’t resolve the underlying issue. At the root of the fight is often an unmet yearning.

Yearnings are significant wants and needs in a relationship. They may be:

  • Yearning to be respected,
  • Yearning to be cared for,
  • Yearning to be safe and secure,
  • Yearning to nurture and grow, and
  • Yearning to be appreciated.

Notice that nowhere on this list is “yearning for picked-up socks.” That’s because the true yearning isn’t really about the laundry pile. It’s something more poignant that runs much deeper. Yearnings are connected to the core of our humanity, existence, and identity.

Wants and Needs in a Relationship vs. Yearnings

It’s important to understand because there’s a difference between basic wants and needs in a relationship and yearnings. We often express what we think are our wants and needs, but when we get them met, we still feel unsatisfied, as though the larger issue still looms.

  • We can want our spouse to have sex with us more frequently.
  • We can want her to clean out the car when she uses it.
  • We can ask him to stop splashing toothpaste on the bathroom mirror.

When we express our wants, our partner often complies, but we may still feel annoyed. We feel like we’re nagging them or like we always have to tell them what we want. That’s a sure indication that we haven’t addressed the deeper yearnings behind our desires. A superficial action, like putting down the toilet seat or rinsing a dinner plate doesn’t really address the heart of the issue. We find ourselves running around mopping up water without fixing the broken pipe and addressing the source of the leak.


Real, true satisfaction and intimacy come from expressing our yearnings and understanding why they matter to us. This can happen in or out of a relationship. It’s about first doing the work to understand what’s going on inside our hearts and minds.


The great part is that when we identify our yearnings, we can find many different ways to get them met. It’s not just about relying on one person to do a specific action. We may yearn to connect with others, and we can do that by connecting with friends, coworkers, family, or our spouse.

If our partner simply complies with our expressed demand without understanding or learning our underlying yearning, the interaction might feel hollow or superficial. We aren’t getting those feelings of being acknowledged, appreciated, or loved. We’re simply training someone to pick up socks.

Our Yearnings Matter!

So, what about when we fight? We don’t really yearn to “win” the fight when it comes to fighting. Yes, we may want to express our point; we may think we want to win. But after we feel briefly superior and proud of our status as the “winner,” we might realize that we haven’t solved anything at all.

At the heart of many of our conflicts is fear (or the simple fact) that our yearnings aren’t being met and that we aren’t clearly expressing and requesting them from our partners. Yearning is at the core of our survival. Yearning to love and bond keeps mothers caring for their children. Yearning to be safe, sheltered, connected, and respected all have a biological imperative behind them. When our yearnings are met, we experience a rush of feel-good emotions and chemicals. When our yearnings are ignored, we experience a flood of fear, adrenalin, and stress hormones.

When we understand the neuroscience beneath our yearnings, we can quickly see why they’re so powerful and why they play such a strong role in our conflicts, especially with our partners—the people we rely on and trust.


When we feel frustrated about something our partner did, we can step back and ask ourselves, what is the underlying yearning? What do I really want from them? Is it that I want to be seen? Heard? Respected? Connected? When we identify those yearnings, we can try expressing them.


What would happen if we asked our partner for more physical contact? What if we explained why a clean house makes us feel more secure? What if we “went there” in conversation and brought our yearnings out into the light?

If we want to build stronger connections and get our yearnings met in our relationship, we must first identify them within ourselves. Then we can take steps to express our yearnings to our partner. Acknowledging our yearnings is the first battle, one we must wage within ourselves. As we come to a better understanding of what drives us, we can start expressing those wants and needs to our partners. Ultimately, when we say what we really want in our relationship, we’ll strengthen our bond and start getting closer.

For more ways to strengthen your relationships, visit Wright Now. We offer an array of courses to help you build stronger connections, discover more about yourself, and move towards the life you want—a life of more. Start getting what you want today!


About the Author

judith

Dr. Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach. She is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.


The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

4 Tips on How to Be Your Partner’s Best Friend

Are you wondering how to be your partner’s best friend? Their closest ally? Their sidekick?


 

Wondering how to be your partner’s best friend? Here are 4 tips to follow for an unbreakable bond and a supportive relationship connection.


 

While, of course, it’s essential that we have strong connections outside of our romantic relationships, there’s something wonderful and important about two partners who work together as a life team. When you and your partner are best friends, it feels like you’re an unbeatable dynamic duo. You have each other’s backs, and you’re pushing each other forward to reach your full potential.

Being one-half of a power couple doesn’t always happen naturally, though. Both partners need to be committed to the idea that life is about seeking more—more adventure, more discoveries, more intimacy, and more personal growth. When you’re both focused on gaining a greater sense of purpose, you’re well on your way to couple greatness!

Here are four tips to help you learn how to be your partner’s best friend today!

Why the World Loves a Power Pair

Have you ever looked at great adventure stories and wondered why we find the hero’s quest so inspiring and motivating? These stories are prevalent across every culture. There’s often a hero tasked with an epic goal in these stories, and they set out on their journey.

Think of Odysseus in the Odyssey, Luke Skywalker in Star Wars, Frodo in Lord of the Rings, or Katniss in the Hunger Games—all of these heroes faced vast challenges. They went on epic journeys, where they came face to face with realizations about themselves and the world around them.

But these heroes all share another commonality. Each of these heroes had allies. Odysseus had Athena. Luke Skywalker had Obi-Wan Kenobi. Frodo had Samwise, and Katniss relied on Peeta. In each heroic tale, there are always people who support our protagonists and help them along the way.

Allies bring out the best in each other. They help us see ourselves for who we truly are. They hold up a mirror to our potential but also call us out on those moments when we’re not pushing ourselves to be the best we could be.


True allies not only support each other when things are tough, but they also inspire and challenge their partners when all seems calm and well.


On our own journeys, our partner can be our strongest ally. When we’re in a relationship, we’re often headed in the same direction and working toward similar goals. So who better to be our companion on our life quest than our partner?

4 Ways to Be Your Partner’s Best Friend

Wondering how we can be our partner’s best friend? Here are four ways we can build up an epic connection that will take us through all the twists and turns that life has to offer.

 

1. Support Your Partner’s Vision

Every goal, journey, or plan begins with a vision. When we want to achieve something, we often envision the outcome and work toward that idea, whether it’s buying a house, getting a promotion at work, or raising children. Nothing happens without first having a picture of the desired end in our minds.

We can be our partner’s best friend by exploring their vision and aligning our goals. That doesn’t mean we all need to have the same goals as our partners, but we can discuss them to see how they overlap. How can we be an ally to our partners by supporting them to be their absolute best selves? How can we help them orient to their desired path?


We mirror the vision our partner inspires in us, and it is consistent with our own goals for ourselves. It’s not about changing our partner to our “standards,” but believing in their potential and supporting them as our partner moves in the direction of their dreams.


We often need our loved ones to activate our yearning—it’s hard to yearn for something if we don’t even know it exists or if we’ve ruled it out because of our limiting beliefs. When each party affirms their partner’s ideal self and helps them hold that vision for their personal growth, both experience more satisfaction. When one partner has an individual victory, so does their other half. Couples celebrate the wins together, and these triumphs bring them closer together.

 

2. Take Every Opportunity to Work on Your Relationship

Relationships of any sort take work, and partnerships require both sides to do their part. However, the work doesn’t need to feel like drudgery. Instead, it means that both parties are thinking of the relationship’s health, putting in the effort to improve and grow individually and together, and working to strengthen intimacy.

Working on our relationship doesn’t mean that we never fight or feel annoyed with each other. On the contrary, we can still support our partners and help them achieve their dreams, even in moments where they get under our skin. As we explore in our book, The Heart of the Fight, couple’s conflicts can actually bring us closer together and create more intimacy, as long as we’re fighting fair.

Whether we’re fighting with our significant other, playing, doing chores, or making love, every interaction provides an opportunity to grow, connect, and transform. Each time we communicate, we influence and “sculpt” each other toward something new. So ensure those interactions focus on moving the relationship forward (even if there’s a conflict).

 

3. Appreciate Your Partner (and Express It)!

Great allies appreciate each other for who they are as individuals. They express appreciation for their counterpart’s help, insight, and dedication. If we want to be great partners, we need to remind ourselves why we’re thankful for the respect, love, and assistance that our partner offers.

When we’re working with a partner, we may occasionally fall into the pattern of thinking of them as an extension of ourselves. As a result, we may take their efforts for granted or forget that they’re choosing to partner with us and work with us on our life journey.


Occasionally stepping back and acknowledging that our partner is a separate person who loves us, respects us, and is helping us move toward our goals can help us keep perspective.


Remember that even if we appreciate our partner in our hearts and minds, sometimes vocalizing that appreciation and expressing it with words can be affirming and supportive. Assume goodwill and acknowledge the good!

 

4. Work on Becoming Your Best Self

If we want to be a good ally, we need to work on becoming our best selves. The best partners are those who are focused on their personal growth as well as the growth and health of their relationship. They’re working on learning and growing both in and outside their partnership.

When we’re focused on becoming our best selves, we will bring out the best in our relationship. The more we grow, the better our relationship becomes because we’re contributing to our partner’s expanding horizons too. The more experiences we have together and on our own, the more we’ll have in front of us to explore.

Whether we’re working on new ideas, different ways of being, having novel experiences, perspectives, or knowledge, we’ll be more satisfied in our relationships when we’re more satisfied with ourselves. The great thing about working on ourselves is that we can start doing it right away, even if our partner isn’t entirely on board yet. Once they see us achieving our goals and making new discoveries, chances are they’ll want more too.

Power partnerships happen when we’re working toward goals together and separately. When we’re both curious about the world around us and viewing each new day as a chance to learn and discover new things about ourselves and each other, we’ll feel engaged, interested, and connected.

Emotional intimacy comes from partnering on the big, deep stuff, not just the day-to-day tasks and logistics. So if we want to have an epic romance, a stronger connection, and an unbreakable bond, set out on a hero’s quest together. You and your partner may discover the best friendship and allyship you never thought possible.

To learn more about connecting with your partner, exploring your best self, and achieving your career goals, don’t miss our courses at Wright Now. We have an array of classes, webinars, and resources to help you get started on your journey today!

 


About the Author

judith

Dr Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach. She is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.


Wright Living is a division of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential, a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

How to Love Yourself More: The Deeper Side of Self-Care

Most of us have days where we struggle to love (or even like) ourselves. Maybe we’re overwhelmed, stretched thin, or feeling the weight of past regrets.

Wondering how to love yourself more? The key to getting more love and fulfillment in our lives is in finding the things that truly nourish us. Self-care means more than just shopping or taking a bubble bath, it’s about meeting our deeper needs.


No matter what’s holding you back, it can be hard to know how to love yourself more. What does it even mean to “love yourself” anyway? Does it mean treating yourself to a spa day? Buying a new outfit or boasting about your achievements on social media? Aren’t people who love themselves a little narcissistic?

Learning how to love yourself more doesn’t mean being full of yourself, taking more selfies, or buying yourself presents. Instead, it means treating yourself with loving kindness and acknowledging the gifts you bring to the world. Here’s how to embrace self-compassion and love yourself more today!

How to Love Yourself More by Nourishing Spiritual Hungers

When we think of self-care, we likely think of activities that nourish us in some way, fill us up, and help us feel comforted. For example, self-care might mean nourishing our cravings with pizza, spending time with friends, or treating ourselves to a pedicure. Self-nourishment doesn’t only apply to physical hungers, but any activity that brings us comfort and a sense of satisfaction.

But sometimes, those quick satisfactions may not fill us as much as we hope. Instead, it may leave us with a sense of emptiness, still craving more.


To truly nourish ourselves and satiate our cravings, we must also address the soul’s deeper hunger and longings.


Spiritual hungers are the essential desires that drive our quest for the life we want. They are the most profound and most essential needs we have. Yet, paradoxically, they are also the needs we are least trained to meet. We remain relatively unaware of our deeper yearnings, confusing them with our surface cravings. We then try to sate these unmet hungers with our soft addictions, but no matter how hard we try, they can never assuage these deep needs.

How we relate to our deeper hungers and needs defines our lives. The degree to which we are aware of our hungers determines our degree of satisfaction and fulfillment, our contribution to life, our impact, and our experience of joy, suffering, peace, and love. If we deny our hungers, we miss the opportunity to feed the deepest parts of ourselves. We become anxious, frenetic, distracted, and unfulfilled and fail to live the life we want. When we identify our deeper hungers and seek to fulfill them directly, we create a life of more.

The Soft Addiction Solution

It takes practice to meet our yearnings. The media and society tell us that “feeling good” is a quick fix that we can instantly gratify. We may think if we buy that new outfit, go on that great vacation, or get the latest tech toy, we’ll feel complete. But the temporary buzz wears away quickly and leaves us still unfulfilled.

To get that sense of satisfaction, fulfillment, and purpose, we need to meet our underlying yearnings—the deeper desires hidden beneath our temporary wants. But knowing how to recognize and ultimately move toward our yearnings requires practice. It’s not a “quick fix” or something we can meet with instant gratification.

Fortunately, when we start to “do the work” to unearth our yearnings and get them met, it becomes easier and feels satisfying. So while we can’t order up the answer to our yearnings on Amazon Prime and have them delivered tomorrow, we can start to change our life path in such a way that we’re meeting those yearnings daily with each interaction.

Believing You’re Worth a Life of More

Remember those commercials that used to say, “Believe me, I’m worth it!” Well, they were true. We are each worth it! We’re worth living a life of fulfillment and satisfaction. We’re worth the effort it takes to live a life of more.

One reason why soft addictions are so, well, addicting is that they offer an immediate soothing effect. How simple is it to go to Starbucks and order a fancy coffee drink? How easy is it to click online and fill our cart with new clothes?

When we indulge our soft addictions, we get a temporary rush. Shopping is exhilarating. Sugar is comforting. Hitting the “watch next episode” button on Netflix feels satisfying. But these activities end up getting in the way of living the lives we truly want and were born to live. They can distract us from fulfilling our destiny and attaining our full potential. It’s not that donuts, television, new clothes, or even social media are “bad.” On the contrary, they are enjoyable, fun, and can be used for positive outcomes. It’s the overuse and reliance on these soft addictions that rings hollow.

Imagine these two different scenarios:

After a frustrating day at work, you stop and pick up a pizza on your way home. You walk in the door, flop down on the couch and flip on the TV. You eat while you scroll through your phone on social media. As you look at the photos of your friends doing exciting activities, you feel a twinge of jealousy, guilt, and frustration. To avoid it, you pull up a game on the screen, which you play while binge-watching Netflix. Finally, still stewing about work, you decide to eat a couple of cookies and go to bed.

Versus:

After a frustrating day at work, you text a friend to meet you for a slice of pizza. The two of you discuss the day and end up laughing about it, lightening the mood. You decide to go for a walk after dinner and pass a theater showing a documentary you wanted to see. The two of you stop in and watch the movie. After, you walk home, discussing the nuances of the film and extracting some parallels to your own life and the situation at the office. When you get home, you’re ready for bed, tired but satisfied, ready to face the world anew tomorrow.

Although both scenarios offer pizza, film, and social connections, they’re vastly different. While the first scenario may seem like more of an indulgence, it’s the second scenario that leaves us feeling nourished and cared about.


The difference between self-care and soft addictions is choosing to reach for a life of more.


We can give in to our wants, temporarily offering entertainment or relief, or we can seek to fulfill our hungers and our deeper yearnings. These deeper yearnings are much more satisfying when fulfilled because they’re related to our emotions.

The funny thing about yearnings is that, in some ways, they’re easier to fulfill than wants. If we want a specific item like a particular brand of shoes, an app for our phone, a specific meal, nothing else will satisfy us. We often have a very clear picture in our mind of our want and what exactly will fulfill it.

Yearnings, in contrast, are often deeper, more essential, and can be satisfied in many different ways. If we want to connect with others, we can take many steps toward that goal. When we fulfill our yearning to connect with others, we may simultaneously fulfill our yearning to be loved, to be heard, to be respected. If we yearn for affirmation, we might connect with a friend. We might greet someone we pass on the street. We may do something nice for someone else. We aren’t limited to a specific method to meet our yearning.

You Are a Gift: Believe You’re Worth More

Whether we realize it or not, we are all worth a life of MORE. Every human being has intrinsic value. Each of us is worthy of love and of living a full, beautiful, juicy, and satisfying life.

One of the first points we share with our students at the Wright Foundation is that each person is a gift. We are all worthy of discovering fulfillment. Inside each of us is great potential–the ability to influence not only our own lives and destinies but the lives and destinies of those around us too.


A universal truth is that we’re all loved. We’re all children of a loving universe. There’s nothing that any of us can do to make the love go away. It is our birthright.


When we align ourselves and our lives with the truth, we will experience total satisfaction. We’ll discover how our life transforms when we access the infinite love of spirit each moment we live.

As I wrote in my book, There Must Be More Than This, “It isn’t that love isn’t available; it is that we are not available to love.” When we try to fulfill our need for love and make ourselves more loveable, we might fall into soft addictions and time wasters. We’re attempting to fill a void within ourselves with activities, foods, and methods of escape that don’t nourish us because they don’t speak to our need for purpose. We all hunger for MORE. When we accept that we’re truly worth more and the universe provides us with abundant beauty, love, and light ready for the taking, we will find the comfort we seek.

Being loved isn’t a feeling we need to meet. It’s a decision. The feeling of being loved isn’t something that others give us. Yes, we may be loved by our spouse, children, and friends, but we might not feel that love all the time. When we decide we ARE loved, we look for evidence to confirm that belief. As our awareness increases, we realize love is all around us all the time. We may see a stunning sunset or beautiful artwork. We may hear an awesome piece of music, and we realize it’s confirmation of the love and beauty that surrounds us everywhere in the universe.

If you want to know how to love yourself more, the path is to fulfill the yearnings of your heart. If you yearn to connect with others, nourish yourself by sharing openly with friends. If you yearn to express yourself, cultivate and share your talents and opinions. If you long to be loved, express your love to others.

When we fulfill our yearnings, we’re treating ourselves to the ultimate form of self-care and self-nourishment! Remember, you’re worth it!

Don’t miss our courses at Wright Now for more ways to live a life filled with more purpose, joy, and fulfillment. We offer an array of courses designed to help you maximize your potential and get more out of your relationships, career, and growth.

 


 About the Author

Judith Wright receives the Visionary Leader Award from Chicago NAWBO.

Dr. Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach.
She is a co-founder of The Wright Foundation and the Wright Graduate University.


Loving the content and want more? Follow Judith on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest!

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The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Foundation performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

Wondering How to Feel More Energized? Live a Life of MORE

We hit snooze on the alarm and get up late. We drag ourselves out of bed, get dressed, and head out the door to work. Our office day feels long and uneventful—even boring.

Wondering how to feel more energized? We'll discover more energy and momentum when we're living a satisfying, purposeful life.

 

 


 

We come home, fix dinner, flop on the couch to watch TV, and scroll through social media on our phones. We’re tired, but not so tired to sleep…just blah. When we look back on the weeks, they go by quickly, but nothing stands out.

If the above scenario sounds all too familiar, chances are you have wondered how to feel more energized. How do you break out of the rut and get your enthusiasm and excitement back? Do you feel like life is passing you by because you lack the momentum and motivation to go out and seize the day!?

It’s time to wake up! Life is meant to be an adventure! We are each given an amazing opportunity to experience all the wonders our world can offer. Life is full of new experiences that give us a chance to create, discover, learn, grow, and feel energized each new day.

Stop Being a Bystander

From time to time, we all feel like bystanders, as though we’re vicariously watching and living life through the adventures of those around us. Social media can compound this effect—we look at those photos on Instagram and posts on Facebook and see all that others are accomplishing.

We may feel a little jealous, left out, or as though we don’t quite measure up. We may experience “FOMO” (fear of missing out). But it’s important to recognize that most social media doesn’t quite capture the reality of life.

We may also feel like there’s never enough time or energy to do what we want. If our plates are full of activities that feel more routine than stimulating, we might feel mired in the day-to-day. We feel as though we’re not living our lives as fully as possible. We wonder how to feel more energized and get more enjoyment out of life. We might even be comfortable—but we feel stuck in that comfort zone.


So what’s the answer? How can we find more energy and enthusiasm in our day-to-day activities? How do we break out of a rut? Is the answer more coffee? Better sleep habits? Exercise?


Of course, healthy habits can be part of self-care and self-compassion. It’s important that we show ourselves love and understanding, especially when we’re going through times of stress. Healthy habits show how much we love and value ourselves. When we feel like we’re worth taking care of, we often find it easier to carry out those self-caring actions. But embracing a healthy lifestyle is only part of it; if we’re wondering how to feel more energized, we need to dig a little deeper.

Choose Your Own Life Adventure

If we want to feel more energized and enthusiastic about life, we need to inject some excitement into the mix. Ever wonder how great explorers and adventurers found the drive to keep going? Look at endurance runners—how do they keep up the mindset to push through discomfort and constantly move forward (even when they’ve emptied the tank)?

Most of us are probably not running hundreds of miles, climbing Mount Everest, or discovering uncharted territories. Still, we can all learn lessons from these intrepid individuals who keep pushing themselves forward, despite the odds. Endurance is as much of a mind game as a physical test of the body.

So how do we find more energy in life? Do some people just “have it” while others of us don’t? We might look at someone famous like Oprah, Beyonce, or Bill Gates and wonder where they found the time and energy to achieve all they have. Are some people simply born with more energy?


If we want more energy in life, we need to go for it! The truth is that engagement itself is energizing—a body in motion stays in motion.


When we’re tuned in and turned on to what’s happening around us, the lights illuminate. We snap out of our stupor, and suddenly we’re experiencing aliveness. We’re challenged; we’re energized, awake, and in the zone. We’re discovering what’s called “flow.”

What is flow? We can describe flow as that hum we experience when work is going well, and we’re fully engaged. Flow is the buzz we get when we’re involved in a great conversation with another person—when we’re clicking in sync. Flow is the feeling we get when we discover something new when we feel something and connect. When we’re moved deeply by an art exhibit, when we come out of a movie ready to delve into the nuances and meaning, or when we read a book that we can’t put down, that’s flow.

Flow can happen in great conversation, it can occur at work, and it can happen in any other activity where we’re fully tuned in and engaged. When flow happens, time often feels irrelevant. We may be amazed that hours have passed because we were so focused and present with the task. If we want to awaken, feel more energized, and experience better connection and a greater sense of aliveness, we need to discover our sense of flow!

Stayin’ Alive

With all the talk of aliveness and the association with flow, it can get a little confusing. Many of us may think, “well, obviously, I’m alive. But, what exactly does it mean to experience aliveness? Isn’t that what we’re doing every day?

Yes, in a biological sense, but in an emotional sense, many of us are tuned out. If we feel we lack energy and can’t break out of that sense of tiredness and lethargy about life, we may be missing out on all that aliveness has to offer. Aliveness is vibrancy, energy, and enthusiasm. When we’re experiencing aliveness, we’re experiencing a full range of emotions. We experience joy, of course, but also fear, anger, sadness, and hurt. We aren’t shying away from feelings or avoiding them because they are uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Instead, we’re staying open to new possibilities, and we approach life with a sense of curiosity and adventure.

As an adventurer, one of the critical skills you need to develop…is an attitude of opportunity—looking for possibilities rather than problems in events and circumstances that previously you may have viewed as unfortunate. Everything that happens can be a blessing and an opportunity to learn and grow, to deepen your relationship with yourself and others, or to expand your ability to serve and be served. To live this way, you will need to be vigilant, to stay on the lookout for any limiting thoughts that make you see life as a burden to be endured.

History is full of heroes and heroines who have seen possibilities where others saw only failure and loss. Mother Theresa saw opportunities for love and service where others fled disease and poverty, Abraham Lincoln saw freedom and unity in the face of division, and Nelson Mandela saw hope for the future of democracy even while in prison

And you have the possibility for that attitude every day, right in front of you. For example, if your boss comes in and says you have a new project and you need to do a, b, c, d, and e by 4:00 pm the following day, how do you respond? Is your reaction, “Wow, what a creative challenge and opportunity. What would it take for me to do this thing that feels impossible?” Likely those aren’t the first thoughts that pop into your mind. Of course, you’ll have a range of feelings and reactions in situations like that, but what if you chose an attitude of opportunity? What if you take the energy of your fear and anger and direct it to solving the problem? What if you chose to shift your attitude and take on the challenge? What would your next 24 hours look like?

 –The One Decision

The World is Your Playground

We’re open to new adventures and experiences when we are young children. Children display limitless energy and enthusiasm for new activities. Each day offers new discoveries, lessons, and chances to explore. Kids are constantly making new connections. The growing requires energy, but it also gives energy in return.

As adults, we can hold onto this sense of exploration and adventure as we rediscover our aliveness, energy, and flow. We do this by looking for new chances to learn and by shifting our approach to challenges that arise. When I think of this approach to life, I often think of my friend Ellen, who’s in her late 50s. I recently ran into her, and as we caught up, I inquired about how she and her husband Jack were doing.

She reported, “His knees crack when he gets up, his back is aching, and his stamina isn’t what it was.” I was expecting her to continue a litany of complaints when her broad smile revealed her wrinkles, and wiping the dampness of her forehead from her hot flash, she proclaimed, “Old age! This is an adventure we haven’t done yet! I’m looking forward to seeing what it’s like. I can’t wait to see what he’s like as an older man. Another part of him for me to love.” Now THAT is an attitude of adventure!


It doesn’t matter our age or even our physical abilities. We can play, grow, and experience aliveness throughout our lives. From age two to 102, life offers us chances for more experience, discovery, and new connections.


Young parents might find themselves bogged down in the stress of raising small kids. They feel like their lives are a series of tissues, diaper changes, errands, and scheduling. Some of us may be in the throes of our careers, feeling like we’re unsure how to move forward or get ahead at work. Others may be seniors who feel like our best years are behind us. (Guess what—they aren’t!)

We can learn a lot by observing young people in our lives, whether it’s our own kids, friends, nieces, nephews, or grandchildren. We can look at the way they tackle new challenges. They’re experimenting all the time. They explore by tasting, touching, listening, looking, smelling, and really investigating each experience. They’re finding out what works and figuring out what doesn’t. Kids have great imagination and creativity. Each moment is new. Each problem requires a journey down an unforged path. Every moment is exciting. Life is a playground, and even as we get older, we can keep right on playing!


A simple shift in our mindset to embrace life as an adventure full of discovery and opportunity will change our energy. Rather than feeling tired, worn down, exhausted, or stuck in a rut, we can make a choice to feel awake, alive, excited, turned on, and engaged.


We can shift to viewing rest as a chance to recharge our batteries, relax, and nourish ourselves. We will feel more vibrant when we are finished. We might start jumping out of bed in the morning, ready to see what the day has to offer. If we view our day as a chance for new discoveries, why might we find a more efficient approach to a task at work, or we might connect more deeply with clients and coworkers. Our weekends feel refreshing because they’re filled with discoveries, adventures, and chances to appreciate our loved ones.

Discovering that attitude of adventure and exploration helps us open up a new world of possibility. When we’re ready to start a life quest, there’s no time like the present. If we want more energy and more vibrance, we must become curious about our world—looking for the new lessons from each experience, pushing ourselves beyond our boundaries for a chance to attempt something new.

A life of more—more aliveness, energy, and purpose—is waiting for all of us! We just need to reach out and embrace it!

For more ways to discover your best life, visit Wright Now. We offer an array of courses geared to help you learn more about yourself, your career, and your relationships. So don’t miss out on the life you want. Go for it now!

 


 About the Author

Dr. Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach.
She is a co-founder of The Wright Foundation and the Wright Graduate University.


Loving the content and want more? Follow Judith on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest!

The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Foundation performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

Photo by Aral Tasher on Unsplash.