Dr. Bob Wright | June 12, 2014

Relationship Coaching :
The Meaning is in the Mess

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “opposites attract,” before. Why do you think that is? We search for a complimentary partner in our relationships.

Do you remember the 70’s sitcom show, “The Odd Couple?” Felix and Oscar were roommates and diametric opposites. Felix is type A, neat, tidy, organized, and professional. Oscar is messy, unorganized, crass and impulsive. They clash constantly and their squabbles make exciting TV drama. Even if you haven’t seen the show, I’m sure you can relate. As a relationship coach, I see these types of situations all the time. It might be fun and games on TV but when you’re living in a situation like that, it can cause anger, hurt, and separation.

When couples first meet they look for someone to compliment them. Opposites attract in many cases. Individuals seek others to bring out the best in themselves, often times that can be a reserved person seeking the energy of an outgoing individual or someone goal oriented seeking more spontaneity.

The Start of Something Beautiful

The initial dating process is very much a hiring process. 

In relationship coaching, we consider this due diligence and conducting a background check. Everyone does it, and it needs to be done so you know what you’re getting yourself into.

Humans have a deep need to connect with others. But we also have a need to be comfortable in our own skin and love ourselves. This is where things get interesting and drama arises. All couples battle with finding a balance between managing the relationship without losing one’s identity. We all have the urge to merge and yearn to feel a close connection with our partner. Without having the experience to fully understand your deepest darkest feelings, unfinished business arises. Identifying these feelings takes a very concerted effort and requires a professional relationship coach to make sense of all these emotions

As a relationship coach, I tend to see this pattern more deeply in couples that are opposites just like Felix and Oscar. We all have a deep desire to get know each other. Learning to spend time with each other is a vital tool, that through the assistance of relationship coaching, can enhance communication and lessen the divide couples often feel.

The goal of a relationship coach is to facilitate couples to reattach and become more and more comfortable in the process.

relationship coaching

The “urge to merge,” to be close, is like a dance. We all tiptoe around intimacy, yet deeply yearn to be loved, to belong and to connect. It is vital to work on the rules of engagement where each person is responsible for his or her own experience. If each party holds themselves accountable for every fight, then nobody takes all the blame. Each partner should only be responsible for 50% blame, in any given situation.

Living by the rules takes time. If you are willing to go the long haul and receive relationship coaching you will develop a profound sense of intimacy. There are no strong relationships without fighting. Go through temporary hurt. Honest anger is better than blowing issues off and putting them in the back of your mind to fester and explode later down the road. Play the game of engagement and play it well to lavish in exponential results.

About the Authors

Dr Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach. She is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.

Dr. Bob Wright is an internationally recognized visionary, educator, program developer, leadership and sales executive, best-selling author and speaker. He is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.

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