Wright Foundation | April 29, 2015

3 Reasons Why Real Relationships are More Intense than Movie Relationships

Movie relationships are nothing like real relationships, yet many people still have romantic fantasies that cloud their realities. It’s impossible for any couple to be happy all the time – every relationship goes through ups and downs. The real test of a strong couple is whether the two of you are able to work through them and become closer on every level. Not everything in a relationship comes naturally. Most couples have to work on communicating so they can become closer emotionally and physically. Your issues won’t get fixed overnight like they do in a movie.

Here are three reasons why movie relationships are nothing like real relationships:

1. Movies don’t show moment-by-moment vulnerability

I’ve coached hundreds of couples throughout my career, and across the board, men want to have sex to get close and women want to get close to have sex.  In movies, couples experience intense, intimate moments almost instantaneously, but in real life, it takes work to build that level of intimate trust between two people. Sex is a vulnerable act, so you have to be able to trust your partner. If you don’t like something or feel uncomfortable, speak up.  Unlike a movie, your partner won’t automatically know what’s bothering you. You need to learn and grow together to achieve a greater connection and be satisfied.

2. Compromising is hardly seen on the big screen

“You’re always busy working.” “You never want to spend time with me.” “Am I not enough for you?” These are common questions couples face when one person feels the other is too busy. If your partner has been telling you that the two of you need to spend more time together, first tell your partner you appreciate him or her. Remind yourself that you have someone who wants to spend time with you. Then, ask them what’s going on. Find out why they’re feeling down. They might be using you to fill a void in an unfulfilling part of their life or want attention in a different way. No one wants to feel like just a body. Your partner might want something as simple as a kiss on the forehead more often. Asking yourself why you don’t spend enough time with that person is crucial. You might be avoiding them, or not fully sharing important parts of your life. In order for a relationship to work, these issues need to be communicated openly. The problem won’t magically fix itself by the time the credits roll.

3. Movies gloss over the tough stuff

Imagine that you lose your job. In a typical romantic comedy, your significant other would take care of you in a big house, buy you everything you desire, and you would never have to work another day of your life. Reality check: that will never happen. So, when your partner is down about losing something important in their life, like a job, don’t let them sit back and do nothing.  You may have to show them some tough love. Sit down, have a real conversation, and slowly keep pushing them.  They might still get mad or defensive, but that’s okay. Engaging conversations where the two of you help each other reach their potential will strengthen your relationship. So, encouraging your significant other to get started will keep him or her from doing herself an injustice. So, movie relationships are nothing like real relationships.  Couples go through real problems that get intense, but getting through these problems allows you to become closer and have a relationship that is much more interesting than one seen on-screen.

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Wright Living is a division of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential, a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.