Creating a happy marriage is no small feat because it involves joining two separate lives together. Your relationship together is a different world from your single world. In figuring out how to live together and work things out, you’re:
- developing a new culture,
- choosing how you are going to love
- how you are going to celebrate
- how you are going to fight
- what you are fighting for
True love is messy. It’s not always clean and sanitized or like the romanticized images we often see in movies. Having a successful, happy marriage is allowing things to get messy and working to discover the learns and grows that come with productive fights. The meaning is in the mess.
To create a truly happy marriage both partners must take the good with the bad. That means having the willingness to be messy and enter into the battlefield of love.
Yes, sometimes love is a battlefield. It’s digging down into the dirt. It’s fighting and tussling and having your heart open to learning and growing both as individuals and as a couple. Putting the saying, “Love is patient love is kind,” into practice means letting one another see each other’s flaws and strengths and creating an atmosphere of trust in which each one completes his or her unfinished developmental business.
In a happy marriage, the couple grows closer through sharing your strengths and weaknesses, growing with one another rather than drifting apart when things get tough, and supporting each other on your journey toward fulfillment of your potential.
Studies show: couples that talk honestly are more satisfied with their relationship and their lives in general. Sadly, many couples talk only about logistics: who’s picking the kids up from school, when will dinner be ready, when are you getting back from your business trip, etc. When couples talk about the things that truly matter to them—their deepest longings, yearnings, feelings, and emotions, it can lead to greater satisfaction in their marriage and lives!
Having a happy marriage can be difficult, messy and complex: a combination of intimacy and distance. It can also be a great adventure of growth and learning. That’s a journey of ups and downs that the couple can share with one another.
Wright Living is a division of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential, a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.