Do you ever feel like you’re unlovable or as though no one cares? How can you get more love in your life?
Many of us don’t always feel like we’re loved. Even if we’re surrounded by friends, or in a loving relationship, there are probably moments when we don’t feel particularly loved (or even “liked” for that matter).
In reality, there is a universal truth: each of us is loved. Regardless of the number of friends we have, our relationship status, or even our own perception. Every day we’re shown evidence we’re loved and that we’re worthy of love. We simply need to open our eyes to the beauty of the universe.
To understand the truth, each of us is loved, we must first define what it is to be loved and how to get more love in our lives.
When we think of love, most of us turn to thoughts of romance. We think of love scenes in our favorite movie. We hear love songs and think of our favorite romantic novels. Love has become a fairytale idea—a magical feeling that sweeps us off our feet, changes who we are, and transforms how we feel about ourselves.
Even look at the songs:
It’s no wonder we have a romanticized notion of what love is and what it means to be loved by someone.
At the same time, most of us quickly realize fairytale romance is a myth. Real relationships take time, energy, and yes, work. It requires being honest, growing together, and not being afraid to roll up our sleeves and battle sometimes. A romantic relationship won’t save us from ourselves, fix us, or provide us with “the one.”
But of course, romance is nourishing. Romantic love is a wonderful gift, and a relationship can serve as both a womb to nurture and a crucible to forge us into our best selves. Romantic love is important, but it’s also not the be all, end all we hear about in love songs. In truth, a strong romantic love requires us to also know and love ourselves, both in and outside of the relationship.
More fulfilling than romantic love is the love we’re provided by the universe. Some of us think of this love as spiritual—the love we feel from God, the Buddha, a Great Spirit—and some choose to see this love as the abundance and beauty of the world around us.
The idea that we’re loved changes our perspective on the world around us. Years back, when I was visiting spiritual sites in France, I stopped to meditate and write out my thoughts. There, in a Parisian café, I came to a profound, yet simple realization: You are loved.
I wrote this loving truth out in my book, The Soft Addiction Solution. I realized, this simple truth was one that could completely transform our perspective on the world around us. This truth helps us live a richer life, experience deeper connections, and embrace the belief that not only are we loved, but we’re worthy of love.
When we realize this truth, it instantly opens up a transformative path. When we feel more loved, we’re no longer seeking to numb ourselves by engaging in soft addictions. We stop shopping to feel fulfilled. We stop scrolling through social media, comparing our lives to those of our friends. We stop trying to measure up.
When we’re seeking love, we’re operating under the mistaken belief we’re not loved or not loved enough. We may constantly attempt to fill ourselves up to no avail. We may overeat, we may overspend, we may try to please others and become who we think they want us to be. We believe we aren’t loveable the way we are, or there’s not enough love to go around.
The belief that love is a scarce recourse may drive us our entire lives, starting in childhood. Perhaps you were told as a child you weren’t enough…or you were too much. Maybe you believed you weren’t worthy of attention or care.
Fortunately, when we realize there is plenty of love in the universe, we start to change our mistaken belief. We don’t need to resign ourselves to living under this false pretense. We’re each worthy of love. Better yet, we’re each loved. There is proof all around us.
The wonderful aspect of the truth is it’s true, whether or not everyone believes it. It’s not necessary to believe you are loved to benefit from this truth. You simply need to operate AS IF it’s true. Open yourself up to the possibility of more.
Being loved is a decision. We often think of it as a feeling, but it’s a choice. Being loved by another person doesn’t solve our pain. It doesn’t resolve the feelings we may grapple with. In fact, we may know we are loved but we may not feel loved all the time.
Having someone love you is not a panacea for feelings of lack, unworthiness, and pain. For example, I know that I am loved but I do not feel loved all the time. My husband loves me deeply and tells me daily. He believes in me and does whatever he can to help me achieve my dreams. He compliments me (he calls me gorgeous every day), lauds my successes, appreciates my way of being, gives me truthful feedback to keep me moving toward my vision, and shows his love for me in many ways. It saddens me that I don’t always let his caring in, or sometimes miss the depth of his feelings for me.
When we decide we are loved, we begin to look for evidence of it. Because of the power of self-fulfilling prophecies, we tend to act in ways that confirm our current beliefs. If we change either our beliefs or our actions, we can shift the cycle. As you make these changes you will feel more acceptance, more love, and more hope. Even if you can’t seem to feel it in the moment, you will still see the evidence. You’ll probably even attract more respect and positive attention because of the shift in your belief system because you hold yourself as loved and deserving.
By redefining love, you will see that love isn’t just romance. Love has to do with caring and holding each other close in your hearts. Evidence of being loved can range from a spouse’s loving look to a parent’s stern admonition to a chore done for you when you didn’t ask.
When we open our eyes to the love around us, we will start to notice the ways the universe shows us love and caring. A beautiful sunset, a soft snowfall, and kindness from strangers. When a coworker holds the door for us, when we enjoy a good meal, or admire a beautiful work of art; these are examples and evidence of love. Simple pleasures that reassure us that, yes, we are worthy of love and we are loved.
As we choose to accept this belief, our worthiness is reinforced and continues to build on itself and compound. When we start to seek evidence of being loved, we will start to notice it all around us. Because of the power of self-fulfilling prophecies, we act in ways that affirm our beliefs. The more loved we believe we are, the more evidence we’ll discover to strengthen that belief.
You are loved!
Go forth with belief in this truth and you will find greater happiness, strength, and fulfillment.
For more on living a life of purpose and fulfillment, please visit the Wright Foundation. We now offer many of our courses, books, and materials available for download at a special introductory price. Don’t miss this opportunity to learn more about yourself.
Dr. Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach.
She is a co-founder of The Wright Foundation and the Wright Graduate University.
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The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Foundation performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.