Wright Foundation | November 21, 2013

How to Date and Be Yourself


I think it was in The Week, where research said that 100% of dating couples lie to each other at some point. Now the lie might be an exaggeration and remember that there are lies of omission and lies of commission as well. Here’s an interesting thought: if I am looking for someone with whom I can spend the rest of my life with–what are the implications of lying?

I’m not intending to find someone who wants me, I’m intending to find someone who wants what I’m portraying to them.

Let’s say I’m not trying to find a life partner, all I want is to get laid. I’m still in a position of low integrity and I’m paying a very high price for that piece of ass. My integrity gets compromised just to get my rocks off.

Any way you look at it, if I want to be loved and I’m lying, chances are I don’t love myself, otherwise I wouldn’t be lying. So then, I’m exaggerating, minimizing, and changing. The real game is, can I learn to be me in your eyes so that I can learn to accept myself more, whether you accept me or not? Will I risk your rejection so that I can actually have greater self-acceptance? Similarly, will I tell you my thoughts about you so that you will know who I am and how I think about you, so you can decide whether or not to put up with me?


We ask, “If I am looking for someone with whom I can spend the rest of my life with–what are the implications of lying?” This is a pretty loaded question. Some lies we’ve told are the smallest of what lies. But does that make lying ok? Lying is the number one relationship wrecker. Truth is, like we said, it’s just easier to tell the truth, no matter what the consequences are. Lying is not just a hit to your integrity, but it hurts the trust we have worked so hard to establish with our significant other. At the end of the day, if your relationship is important to you and you want to be happy, you shouldn’t be lying.

While dating, what are the benefits of being honest on dates? You might be thinking, “I won’t see this person ever again. This is a horrible first date.” Go ahead, never see that person again. But being honest with yourself is not the ONLY thing that matters when dating. We don’t want to cause a line of damage in our wake as dating individuals. There are so many benefits to being honest with yourself – embrace honesty and live a more fulfilling life.

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