Considering Divorce?
Inventory Your Assets First

 

Are you considering divorce? Be sure you pull out your personal assets. It’s time for some tough questions.

Considering Divorce


I’m not talking about your savings, your house, and the dog. Of course, whether you are divorced, divorcing, considering divorce, or just in a rough patch…chances are, you’re weighing and measuring those things and their worth in the relationship.

But you have more assets than just those that are tangible. You have personal assets—emotional assets—that you’ve invested in this relationship (even if divorce is inevitable). These are worth far more than anything else, so it’s time to take emotional inventory.

How Did YOU Contribute to the Failure of the Relationship?

Can you even ask yourself this question? If you walk away without dealing with the choices you made to get to where you are, dealing with yourself, and dealing with each other, you’re leaving empty-handed. You’re walking away from the learning, growing, and personal improvement that can be the result of a significant inventory of the relationship. Think about it:

How did you get together?

Why did you get together?

How did you manage to let the relationship fall apart?

How did it manage to end (whether it was an affair or you think you just grew apart)?

Here’s the news: It wasn’t JUST because he was a philandering jerk or she was an ice queen. There were skill deficits on each of your parts.

Failing to recognize this and take stock of the situation honestly means you’re walking away from valuable assets—assets that will help you rebuild your life, grow, and find happiness.

When considering these tough questions and maximizing the assets that you have, follow the Rules of Engagement. The first rule is: no one can give or take more than 50% of the blame. Each of you gets only half of the blame and each of you is 100% responsible for your experience in the situation and what you take away.

When you first got together, there was something that drew you in (more than just sexual attraction). It might not have been enough to keep you together, but it was enough to pique your interest. The problem is stagnation—where did you take it from there? Did you keep growing and working on yourself? For relationships to be durable, research demonstrates you must learn within the relationship.


You must be constantly adapting, changing, and discovering. You must grow and your relationships must transform. If it stays static, it can’t be sustained.


So, how did each of you avoid transformation?

(No, you don’t get to blame it all on HIM, and no, it’s not HER fault because she didn’t kiss your butt forever!)

The Scenario:

It usually starts out that He is “Mr. Solid” and She is “Miss Aliveness” (or she may be “Miss Solid” and he may be “Mr. Aliveness”)…we tend to pair up to and be attracted with people that are what we call our complements.

This other person seems to fill in what WE are missing: “She’s so adventurous and fun!” or “He’s so stable and reassuring—I just feel like he’ll take care of me.”

For the relationship to grow, that “sparkplug person” needs to learn to be more solid, not just for the relationship, but for the benefit of his or her own personal growth. Similarly, the “solid person” needs to not just be an anchor (or the stick in the mud holding things back) but needs to channel that solidity into stability and aliveness.

That is the first part of your inventory.

The first part of your inventory is: What was I looking for? What attracted me in the other person?

“He was handsome” and “she was pretty” doesn’t quite do it. The only time this is the sole motivating factor is cases where one party has particularly low self-esteem, so they’re just looking for an armpiece to validate their existence. If this is the case, it’s a red flag that you’ve stumbled into: a pit of unconscious snakes representing your failure to develop your self esteem and independence in your singlehood.

And no, women (usually), it’s typically not that you were so “strong and independent” without him. That is such a common script (and frankly a piece of horse manure).

Our Unconscious Landmines

When we declare our love–and notice I’m not saying “fall in love”…because it doesn’t happen. Love is a choice. When we begin to love someone, there are a host of landmines in our unconscious programming that we begin stepping on. Why?

Because, we all have a prerecorded script for marriage from our childhood.

This script comes from our parents. It’s based on the relationships we saw, ideas of what a relationship SHOULD look like from the media, from fairytales and whatever baggage we picked up at that time. It came from the way our parents treated us and the role we took within our family.

Around here, it’s always amusing to hear somebody say, “Well, I’m exactly the opposite of my parents.”

I have a friend from my younger years whose parents were rabid conservatives—John Birch Society conservatives. We went to college together in the 1960s, where he met his wife. They chose to live a rather marginal, hippy lifestyle. He thought (and repeatedly professed) that he was the opposite of his parents.

BUT, not surprisingly, he brought all of the unfinished baggage with him. He didn’t understand the psychological elements of his family. In his own marriage, he became distant and unavailable and his wife became very domineering in the relationship, which mirrored his parent’s relationship almost to a T. Now, maybe he didn’t espouse their political beliefs, and on the surface he seemed to embrace the laid back lifestyle, but when it came down to it, he was repeating exactly what he’d seen at home on a fundamental level. We can put on different clothing, but our core remains the same, unless it’s addressed.

Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs

A few years later, I had the opportunity to coach a woman who was facing her third divorce. This woman was quite gorgeous and knew it (and how to leverage it) at an early age. She grew up with significant pain: her parents had a troubled marriage where they were fighting all of the time. There was never enough money and they survived in a scarce and impoverished existence. She swore, no matter what it took, she would never be poor again.

Discovering she was particularly attractive and desirable to men, she married a man who was very wealthy. He appeared to have plenty of money, but shortly into the marriage, she learned it was his mother who had the money and he hadn’t a dime. She had a child with him, but the marriage crumbled and they ended up divorcing.

She quickly met a second guy, a wealthy widower whose mother was dead (so no mother-in-law concerns there). Thinking she’d overcome the problems from the first marriage, she married him. Low and behold, the source of his wealth turned out to be his dead wife’s mother. Once again, with a marriage built on no affinity beyond wealth, they divorced.

She then met and married a very financially stable self-made man who was the CFO for a series of increasingly important companies.  Thinking he was upwardly mobile and driven, she was thrilled he had the financial stability she craved. Every two years, he’d move up to a new company. He owned real estate all around the US. Little did she know, the real estate was all leveraged and the reason he was moving “up” every two years so rapidly was because he was always running just ahead of getting fired.

This led to her third divorce, when she sought me out to address what was going on. I helped coach her through these issues. During our discussions, she realized that deep in her unconscious mind was a false belief that marriage was about existence or survival, not about caring for each other. She entered each relationship expecting men to be dishonest, and she was drawn in and attracted to men who weren’t forthright—setting up for failure from the start.

She began dating differently. Now with a daughter in high school, they were taken care of through the divorces and her lucrative employment and didn’t need to worry about money any longer. Having worked through the core issue behind her divorces, we parted ways, and I hadn’t seen her for several years.

About a decade later, Judith and I were delivering a talk on couples, when I saw her. She came up to me with a smile and a man on her arm. She said she wanted to thank me and introduced me to the man she had been with for the last ten years. She was very proud to tell me how well they were doing together including the fact that they were learning and growing, and actively pursuing opportunities to explore together.

These are just two examples and there are many more: The top asset you have in your relationship is an assessment of your investment.

So if you’re the “solid one”…how did you avoid becoming more alive? How did you move from stability to anchor (to dead weight) in your spouse’s vision?

If you happen to be the “alive one”…how did you avoid becoming more solid in a way that freed up the other person from always having to be the rock? How did you become a helium balloon to his anchor, pulling in opposite directions?

Similarly, what unconscious programming did you bring into the relationship? What beliefs did you have that held you back, and what fears kept you from moving forward? What do you need to address to learn the lessons that are there to learn in the situation?

School Your Relationship

If you’re in couples counseling, one of the ways you can go about doing this is to look at your relationship as a four-year course of college. Identify all the classes you had, what you learned, and what you didn’t learn in those classes. One of the classes might be Understanding My Unconscious Programming 101. Another class could be An Intro to Challenging My Limiting Beliefs. Another could be An Advanced Study on Taking Full Responsibility for my Own Happiness…and so on.

I want to conclude this conversation with a story of one of our students who learned to take responsibility for her happiness.

She had been married for over 35 years and her adult children had successfully launched. When I first met her, she referred to her husband as, “What’s His Name” and he spoke about her as “My First Wife.” She blamed him for her unhappiness at home and general misery in the relationship. He was uninvolved, unaffectionate, and distant.

As she learned to take responsibility of her own happiness, even though he never took a single course with us, she began coming home happier every day. She didn’t come home with her guns ablaze, ready to blame him for her unhappiness. Consequently, he didn’t seem as zoned out and addicted to the television. He started to pay attention to her and they started talking more and communicating more. In fact, they became closer and closer. They are deeply in love and have weathered incredibly difficult health situation where he was near death. Her emerging confidence and assertiveness skills enabled her to be direct and challenge the doctors and nurses, as well as his treatment protocols in the hospital. This, they both credit for him being alive and healthy today.

No matter where you are in your relationship, divorced, divorcing, considering divorce, or just in a rough patch, do an inventory of all of the courses. What are you learning?  Understand what transformation really is. A partnership, when fully engaged, will be a womb to facilitate your development as well as a crucible to burn off your unfinished business. It will serve you on the way of you becoming the most magnificent human being you can become.

For more on how you can continue to explore yourself and your relationships to become your best self, please visit the Wright Foundation website.

 


About the Author

Dr. Bob Wright is an internationally recognized visionary, educator, program developer, leadership and sales executive, best-selling author and speaker. He is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.


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The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

Entrepreneurs: 3 Core Factors for Finding Your Purpose

 

Current and future entrepreneurs: I want you to think about your WHY. Are you considering becoming an entrepreneur? Are you already an entrepreneur?

finding your purpose


Why? Is it because you want to be your own boss? Is it because you’re sick and tired of making money for someone else?

I’m betting everyone who has entrepreneurial aspirations is nodding along right now. But guess what? Making money, being your own boss—it’s not enough. Sure, those reasons are certainly motivating factors, but they’re not going to give you purpose.

How about this…

Do you excel at a certain skill and you want to use that skill to create a company and become an entrepreneur? Now you’re closer to the right track.

I had a skill too. I’m what I like to call a “default entrepreneur.”

When I first started out, I learned how to deliver psychotherapy and I went into business on my own. Using that skill, I paid my way through grad school, delivering therapy and building a client base. Upon graduation, I discovered I had enough clients between $7.50 and $15/hour to pay my rent. (This was in 1979, mind you.)

Realizing I had this autonomy and self-sufficiency fueled me to keep going on my own. I was able to hold to “being my own boss” in the face of job offers that would have been very desirable to me before.

I had the good fortune to be well trained and have a strong background, which enabled me to help athletes—golfers in particular—win tournaments. Using these same concepts, I was able to help politicians win elections, help couples resolve their marital issues, and help CEOs build their businesses.

During this time, my own business grew very fast and the next thing I knew it was six months after graduation. I had so many clients I needed to hire my first employee! I went into business with the man who was to be my business partner for the next 15 years.


I didn’t set out to be an entrepreneur. I simply had a skill. I built on that skill and I became a “default entrepreneur.”


When I began, I didn’t even think about becoming an entrepreneur. I focused on doing what I knew how to do best. I knew my skills were strong, and would carry me. Conventional wisdom in the therapy profession was to work for an organization for five to ten years first, build up a client base, and then strike out on one’s own. I was already on my own and had the clinical supervisor I needed to practice, so there was nothing more an organization could offer me.

Eventually I had to look at why I was doing what I was doing.

The “WHY” behind our actions is our purpose.

How many of you have a higher mission—and you’re thinking of becoming an entrepreneur because of that greater social mission?

To obtain success and continue to achieve, you must have purpose. A career is more than a paycheck. To find fulfillment, a career must also include purpose. Purpose isn’t simply wanting to be your own boss or having the necessary skills to make money.

For purpose to be complete, you need a trifecta of factors:

  1. Self-motivation (wanting to be your own boss)
  2. Skills, plus the ability and drive to make and manage money from those skills
  3. A higher mission

I learned that the hard way. I built a vision and was driven by my mission to help others. But I didn’t care about money enough. In fact, I was paying staff MORE than I made until I’d been in business for five or six years! Money just wasn’t enough of a motivator for me. I loved what I did so much that I told people I was willing to PAY to keep doing it.

Little did I know—I actually was!

There are many marginal entrepreneurs driven by the fact that they don’t want a boss and don’t want to answer to “The Man.” They’re self-motivated (or they have issues with authority), but it’s not enough to push them over the hump financially. Their mission is themselves—to gain their own independence.


Without a higher purpose, they’ll never find the success they’re looking for, even if they’re skilled and great money-managers.


Sometimes they’re like me because they didn’t care enough about money. The mission is there, the self-motivation, and the skills, but they’re missing the drive to make and manage money. Fortunately, in my case, I had done a lot of work and partnered well with authority, as I needed to. I was self-motivated, but all three factors have to be in place or you’ll end up going under.

Some entrepreneurs are very mission-oriented. So much so, that they suffer with their mission for the community. They sacrifice and feel bad about taking money for helping people. Unfortunately, a mission isn’t enough to sustain success for yourself or others. Growing a business (even in a helping profession) requires revenue.

Think of these three factors as a tripod or legs on a stool. If they aren’t all considered, you have a cockeyed stool that isn’t any good. It’s unstable. It won’t hold up.

So do a self-assessment and check your “why.” Make sure you aren’t just a pissy, reactive employee who doesn’t want a boss. Be sure you’re learning about money and how to manage, make, and save money to fund your life and your business. Consider your community and the larger picture, too.

Some questions to ask yourself:

  • Are you contributing to your employees?
  • How are you as a boss?
  • Are you contributing to the people that provide you with the goods and services you need to exist?
  • Are you contributing to the community?
  • Is there a larger vision for your business that your employees can orient to and align with?
  • Do your employees want the best for you and do you want the best for them?
  • Are they are proud that your business exists for the betterment of the community?
  • Are you?

These questions can help you shape your WHY and ensure you’re an entrepreneur with purpose. Purpose drives success and keeps you moving toward the bigger picture. Find your purpose.

For more on how you can inspire others, ignite your world and live your best life at home and in your career, please visit The Wright Foundation.


About the Author

Dr. Bob Wright

Dr. Bob Wright is an internationally recognized visionary, educator, program developer, leadership and sales executive, best-selling author and speaker. He is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.


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Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

From Doormat to Direct: How To Ask for What You Want

If you want to stop being a doormat, it’s time to face confrontation head-on and ask for what you want. Are you ready to speak up and get what you want? 

 

Wondering how to ask for what you want? The Wright Foundation has the answers so you can stop being a doormat and start being direct.


You’re at a restaurant you’ve been hearing about for weeks.

You’re excited to try the food.

The atmosphere is nice; your company is delightful.

You order and request they leave the green peppers out of your dish (blech). The server doesn’t write down your order. He seems harried.

Out comes your food, steaming hot, beautiful…and covered in little chunks of those damned green peppers!

What do you do?

How many of you read this and thought, “I’d just pick them off and go on with my meal” or “I wouldn’t want to make a fuss”…?

How many of you cringe at just the thought of sending the meal back—or even worse (the horror!)—requesting they make amends with a free round of drinks?

Many people, especially women (but some guys, too) HATE the thought of confrontation—even if it’s polite, and even if they aren’t at fault.

We don’t want to come off as a “bitch” or a jerk…particularly when it comes to social situations and interacting with strangers. It’s as though we don’t feel we deserve to inconvenience someone with our patronage. We worry we’ll offend someone or we’re afraid to engage.

Others of us (myself included!), don’t run into this problem so often. We have the opposite issue: we have to temper our reaction and learn to listen.

If I was in the restaurant, I would, without question, send the meal back. I’m paying for it and I intend to get what I ordered. I know I deserve it. We all do. I don’t feel I deserve it because I’m more important than other people, but I deserve it because I’m paying for the meal, so it should be right.

Now, as my lovely wife will tell you, people have occasionally (okay, maybe more than occasionally) pointed out that I can come off as a bit abrasive, even insensitive. It’s something I’ve worked very hard to become aware of.

There’s a fine balance between being direct, being a jerk, and being a doormat. It’s all about how we embrace and work with conflict.

Doormats Unite

Are you a cringer? Afraid to send back your meal? TODAY, I want you to go out into the world and tell someone what you want. Pick a situation that’s tough, walk in, and do it.

Why? Because you deserve to get what you want.

You are a gift.

Each of us is a gift to the world. Every human being is part of a large fabric. We are interconnected and we affect each other. Your thread is not more or less important than those around you.

You deserve to have good things. You deserve to receive what you ordered, to be properly compensated for the work you do, and not to have to pick up after your children, husband, or those around you. You deserve to be heard and seen for who you are. You deserve to be loved.

When we believe this within ourselves, we start to find our voice. Our limiting beliefs build up over the years. These are the thoughts that hold us back, like, “I’m not good enough. I am stupid. I’m less deserving than others.” We believe our own negative self-talk and internalize it.


Take the negative self-talk and tell it to go to hell. Turn it off.


You’re probably thinking, “Yeah, easier said than done,” but I’ve seen CEOs with PhDs who were afraid to speak up, engage, or tell people how they felt because they didn’t want to rock the boat. They didn’t think they deserved it.

Until you believe you deserve to get what you want, you will keep holding yourself back.

Kick yourself in the butt and embrace it.

Because you know what doormats become? Passive-aggressive. Doormats are often the ones who are big fans of what we call the “hidden middle finger.” You know the deal: you sigh loudly when you pick up your husband’s socks. You purposely put them away dirty or mismatched, or you throw in the trash. You’re pissed off but you say nothing, hoping your message gets to him.

Meanwhile, he’s clueless (and sockless). He keeps throwing the socks on the floor and you keep getting angrier and angrier.

Passive-aggressive behavior solves nothing. It only serves to damage our relationships and make things worse. In fact, I’d much rather send my order back at a restaurant and tip well, than pick off the peppers and leave a crappy tip. Your message won’t be “You got my order wrong,”—it will be “I’m a crappy tipper.” Passive aggressive behavior solves nothing.

Instead, say something. It can be very polite: “Excuse me, but I didn’t order this,” or “I’m frustrated because when you leave your socks on the floor I feel like you don’t respect the work I put into the house. I’m not going to pick them up any longer.” It’s not about screaming and yelling, it’s about fighting fair. It’s about speaking up and getting your point across. You deserve to be heard.

For All the “Jerks”

On the other hand, if you would’ve sent back the meal without hesitation, bravo! I get it.

If, on the other hand, you send back the meal AND then get punitive with the tip (even when the server made amends), you might be veering over into the jerk category. Take a step back.

I’ve found when people get offended, it’s often an issue of tone over message or a problem with listening skills. A few important rules of engagement? Everyone is 100% responsible for themselves and their own happiness, and also, no one gets more than 50% of the blame.

In the restaurant scenario, the server might be the one who got your order wrong, but once he or she is aware of the issue and works to resolve it, there’s no sense in continuing to heap on the blame.

Similarly, another important rule is to assume good intentions and fight FOR (not against) each other. If you’re fighting FOR a relationship and to find a resolution in a conflict, chances are good you’re fighting for the right things. If you’re fighting to shame the other person or just to continue to dwell on the problem, you may need to reassess.

When we assume good intentions, we realize that no one purposefully tried to screw up our order. Our boss isn’t trying to make us miserable. Our girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t trying to make us upset. There might be an upsetting situation, but rarely is the other party intentionally trying to hurt us. In fact, oftentimes they’re hurting too and just expressing it differently.

When it comes to conflict, it’s not something to be avoided, but rather, embraced. We can be polite and civil about it and we should never personally attack someone, but engaging in dialogue and finding common ground is the only way we can truly connect and come to a resolution.

We are all gifts in the world. We have an important role and limitless potential. We all deserve to have our needs and yearnings met and to be happy. So engage! Embrace conflict! Don’t back down!

But still leave a tip when the server brings your corrected order!

For more on embracing conflict and fighting fair, visit www.wrightliving.com. Give back to the world around you and become your best self!

 


About the Author

Dr. Bob Wright

Dr. Bob Wright is an internationally recognized visionary, educator, program developer, leadership and sales executive, best-selling author and speaker. He is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.


Liked this post and want more? Sign up for updates – free!

Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

How To Be Happy (Really!)

 

We all want things, and we all think things can make us happy. But the real truth behind how to be happy is to realize that you deserve happiness.

how to be happy


When I was younger, I was overweight. I longed to be thin. I thought that if I could just get skinnier, I’d be happy. If I could just get the body I wanted, I’d be desirable. I’d feel great and confident.

So I dieted. I lost the weight. I worked hard at it. I became thin and I looked hot! I was proud of my work and I felt good about it…but I STILL didn’t feel happy. I wasn’t “blissed out.” I wasn’t going around with a big grin on my face.

I was okay. My clothes fit better, but I didn’t feel like I got what I really wanted. I still felt unfulfilled.

Even after losing weight, I wasn’t truly happy because I didn’t address my underlying yearnings. Yes, I wanted to be skinny, but it wasn’t what I truly YEARNED for.

Why We Want the Wrong Things

We all want things: a bigger house, a newer car, thicker hair, or a better sex life.

Wanting fuels us and inspires us. We work for the things we want. We fantasize about our wants. We believe if we could only somehow obtain what we want, then we’d be happy, right?

Well, what’s stopping us?


If the only thing in life standing between you and happiness is a new car, better hair, or a roll in the hay, then go out right this minute and get what you want. Whip out your platinum card if you have to—go for it!


You know why you won’t?

Because you know it won’t really bring you happiness. It might bring you a temporary high. You might feel great when you get behind the wheel of the car or when you start turning heads, but it won’t lead to true happiness.

We might think we want something, but without addressing the underlying yearning, it’s a hollow victory. Weight loss, hair plugs, Viagra or a Lexus won’t fix the problem. We’re wanting the wrong things.

Identifying your yearnings can be challenging at first, but we all have them. They run much deeper than wants. These are the things at our very core that we NEED emotionally. They’re bigger than simple desires. It’s not something someone else can fulfill for us. It’s not about a car, or a house, or even a relationship. WE are the only ones who can reach our own happiness.

If you’re trying to unlock your yearnings, try applying the “so that” method. For example: I want to be skinny so that I feel sexier. I want to feel sexier so that I can go on more dates. I want to go on more dates so that I can fall in love. I want to fall in love BECAUSE I want to be loved and cared for. My yearning is to be loved and cared for.

We can yearn for many things—safety, respect, to be understood, or to be connected with others. We might yearn to be acknowledged or for validation. We may yearn to be heard or seen by others in a real, honest way.

Yearnings are what speak to our soul and the fiber of our being. When our yearnings are met, we feel warm and wonderful. We get a little tingle in our heart and butterflies in our stomach. We feel amazing when our yearnings are met. We get that “blissed out” feeling that doesn’t come from anything else.

Yet…for many of us, we have a hard time fulfilling our yearnings because we block our own way. We have that little voice inside our head—you know the one—it says, “You don’t deserve this. You always do this wrong. If you just X, THEN you could have Y.” It’s the little voice that instead of saying, “I made a mistake,” says “I’m stupid.”

That little voice is damaging. It’s harmful. It’s the voice of our limiting beliefs about ourselves and the things that hold us back. It’s our inner pessimist. It’s what we call Stinking Thinking.

Overcoming Stinking Thinking

Stinking Thinking comes in all kinds of formats, but most stinking thinking falls into six main categories:

  1. Overgeneralization
  2. Jumping to Conclusions
  3. Emotional Reasoning
  4. Should Statements
  5. Blame/Shame
  6. Looped Thinking

When we overgeneralize, we think things are ALWAYS going to be a certain way. We break things down into “all or nothing” statements, like when we’re dealing with a bad situation and we think, “That’s it. Everything is awful.” When we say we can’t do something, when we say we’ve lost all hope…that’s overgeneralization.

Jumping to conclusions is another rampant symptom of Stinking Thinking. It’s when you walk into a situation assuming people already think something about you. It’s prejudices. It’s magical thinking. It’s thinking you can somehow control or predict the future.

When we jump to negative conclusions, we falsely think we have a crystal ball or some psychic ability to foresee what’s coming before it happens. But guess what? None of us have that (and if you do, let’s go to Vegas)!

Another type of Stinking Thinking involves emotional reasoning, like “If I feel like a failure, I must be a failure.” If I feel stupid, I must be stupid. We are not what we feel. We all feel down sometimes or we get into a bad mood. That doesn’t mean it’s what we ARE. It’s just how we feel.

Other Stinking Thinking involves “should-ing” ourselves to death. It’s when we keep thinking about what we SHOULD have done, what we ought to do, or what we “have to do” out of some perceived obligation. We blame ourselves for things that aren’t entirely our fault or we blame others completely without acknowledging it takes two to tango. We might get stuck in looped thinking and ruminate endlessly on a situation. We become obsessed with a perceived “wrong” or misstep and we just can’t stop thinking about it.

If you find yourself engaging in this type of Stinking Thinking, give yourself a kick in the butt. Don’t beat yourself up and don’t start telling yourself, “Well great, I’m a stinky thinker and there’s no hope for me!” Just allow yourself to reset.

Say to yourself, “Nope—this is Stinking Thinking.” And stop.

Sound overly simplistic? Guess what? When we identify our Stinking Thinking and call ourselves out on our own B.S., we can stop it. Simply identifying it is the first step. Call it out and let it go.


Stinking Thinking prevents us from realizing our yearnings. We think we don’t deserve happiness. We think we don’t deserve to unlock our innermost desires. We think we’ll always be the way we are. We think life has dealt us an unfair hand.


How freeing is it to realize that YOU are the navigator of your own life! It’s like in the Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy realizes the answer was within her all along. She could get what she wanted the whole time…even though she was searching for other things and asking people to help her and rescue her. She didn’t believe in her own capacity to get home, yet it was right there in her hands (or rather, on her feet).

When we let go of our Stinking Thinking, the world is open to us. We can reach for our yearnings because we realize we deserve them. We deserve the things that make us happy—not on a superficial level, but deeply and within our hearts. We deserve the things that speak to our souls and nourish us as human beings.

Today, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you deserve happiness. You deserve to have your yearnings met. You’re not going to stand in your own way with stinky thoughts, but you’re going to get to the heart of what you really need.

Ready to ignite your world? Ready to live the life you WANT to live and find your own true happiness? To learn more about how to live your best life, please visit us at the Wright Foundation website.


About the Author

Judith

Dr. Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach. She is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.


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The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.