January 2016 | Wright Foundation

What Questions Should
I Ask on a First Date?

Posted on January 28, 2016February 24, 2022 by Rachel Zwell

Don’t you wish there was a script for first dates? A standard set of screening questions? Have you ever seen the article circulating online detailing 36 questions YOU should ask to “find love”?

We’ve all read magazine articles like this before—promising the perfect interaction and happily ever after if we just screen with the right set of questions.

In reality, there’s no tried-and-true questionnaire for screening your dates. In online dating profiles, we do get the answers to some questions. But not all of us meet our dates online. What about the girl you approach at the gym or the guy you meet at a networking event? You can’t exactly ask them to fill out a match.com profile on the spot, just to see if you’re compatible.

It’s easy to make snap judgments when we walk in on a date. We look at how our date is dressed, we evaluate their jewelry and their habits, and we immediately have a reaction. Maybe his glasses remind you of your dad or her perfume reminds you FAR too much of the coworker who drives you nuts.

The truth about first dates: To have a successful first date (and a successful fifty-first date)—it’s all about what you put into it! What does a successful first date look like, anyway? I consider it a good date if I’m enjoying my own company, learning something new from my date, and learning about myself. When you’re fully engaged, expressing your yearnings, and being up front and honest about who you are, you can discover more about yourself and others—even if you don’t feel a romantic connection.

This ISN’T a Great Date

Sometimes “bad dates” can teach us more about ourselves than the great ones. The next time you’re on a date that seems to be going awry, ask yourself what’s really bothering you about your date.

Maybe he’s rude. Maybe she talks incessantly about herself. Maybe she’s condescending. Whatever it is, allow yourself to be fully IN the situation. Let your date know what’s bothering you, and see what you can learn from the interaction. It will tell you a great deal about how you handle being uncomfortable and the ways you shy away from or engage in conflict.

Not every date is a perfect match, but every date is an opportunity. Part of the joy and fun of dating is getting to know different people and getting to know yourself. If something bothers you, explore what’s going on with you!

This IS a Great Date

Many times, first dates might actually be going well, yet we find ourselves holding back. Maybe you don’t ask the hard questions because you’re having fun: you’re attracted to your date and enjoying your time together. Maybe you don’t want to scare them away by bringing up big topics like babies, houses, and marriage. Maybe you don’t want to find out they’re a homebody when you’re an adventurer.

Here’s the truth: a first date is a great time to ask anything! You haven’t fully invested your time, effort, and energy into the relationship yet. It’s a great time to find out if you’re on the same page and working toward the same outcomes so you can continue. Why wait until you’re six or seven dates in, only to be disappointed that you’re not really jiving on some of your biggest yearnings?

Some of us go into our first dates with our tough question ready—guns a-blazin’. We’ll ask anything, engage in conflict, and figure out what page they’re on. THEN, as time goes on and we become more emotionally invested in the relationship, we start holding ourselves back. By then, we’ve put our emotions and heart into the relationship, so we don’t want to be crushed when we get an answer we don’t want.

Relationships Are About Continued Engagement

In The Heart of the Fight, we talk about how you can continue to discuss and bring up your yearnings, engage in conflict, and keep the communication flowing throughout your entire relationship. For the first TEN YEARS or more, you’re trying to find your footing and you’re vying for control and understanding. Face it: if you’re in it for the long haul, you’re going to address these issues. Putting them off is just staving off the inevitable.

Dating is such an amazing opportunity to get to know yourself and someone else. It’s exciting to engage with someone and to learn more about your reactions—what you like, what you don’t like, and how you feel. Allow yourself to go off-script and get down to discussing what really matters to you. You’ll feel better about the relationship if you like who you are being. I want to be someone who takes risks, who tells the truth, and who gets to know myself better with each date.

Let us know how your dating is going! Tune in to our podcast every Wednesday to talk about dating, relationships, and how to bring out your best self. To continue the conversation on engaging with others and to discover ways to bring out your best self, click here to learn more about our next More Life Training.

Listen to this episode here on BlogTalkRadio or here on iTunes.

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Rachel is a Coach and Executive Assistant to the CEO at Wright. She specializes in coaching adolescents, helping them navigate young adulthood and grow into their gifts and leadership. Rachel is responsible for leading and facilitating groups during weekend trainings. Currently, Rachel is pursuing her master’s in Transformational Leadership and Coaching from the Wright Graduate University.

Blog image courtesy Flickr user dickuhne.

Wright Living is a division of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential, a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

How To Use Your Network
to Increase Your Net Worth

Posted on January 27, 2016March 23, 2023 by Wright Foundation

Just like the saying goes, “It’s a small world after all.” We’re all connected in one way or another. Discovering and building on those connections is a powerful way to boost your network—and your career.

When many of us think of networking, we think of the typical schmoozing and “work the room” events: shallow, hollow interactions where we hand out business cards. Wouldn’t it be more powerful if you truly LISTENED to someone at a networking event, and took the time to get to know them? If you could walk away with ONE new person with whom you were strategically aligned toward a shared vision, it would make the time and energy spent at the event worth it.

So what about your network? You probably have a LinkedIn profile, a Facebook page, and connections through your office, church and neighborhood. Ask yourself: of those people, how many understand you on a deeper level and share your values and mission? We’re often drawn to those with whom we share a connection, and you just might be surprised how many of those connections you can build on when you really take the time to engage and connect.

A few months ago, communications guru John Davidoff of Davidoff Mission-Driven Business Strategy (my buddy) came into our studio and shared his insights on mission-driven networking. He told a story about how, during the course of just a few lines of conversation, he was able to find a shared connection with someone who had attended the same upstate New York journalism camp as his brother. Through that connection, he was able to build a relationship with that person, plus, they found they were both driven toward a similar mission.

Missions are powerful stuff when it comes to networking. They help us engage and understand how we’re working toward the same outcomes, shared goals and quests.

The Incredible Value of a Common Vision and Mission

Whether you have an office team working on a sales project or you’re working with a client to help them realize their potential and work toward their vision of success, you can tap into the power of understanding a vision. A vision is the picture of your ideal outcome, should your goals and mission align. It’s value-driven. It pushes you toward your achievement and optimizes your performance.

At Wright Living, we’ve devoted ourselves to helping others bring out their best and realize the power of human potential—you, too, can (and should) make helping others part of your mission. All powerful leaders have a mission and vision that they understand, that they can articulate, and that they review often.

One of the suggestions John had (and one of the things we do here at Wright Living) is to repeat your mission at every office meeting and every company function. John has his people repeat their mission every Monday as a way to keep their week’s trajectory on course.

Mission is a powerful driver. It guides all you do. One of your make-or-break moments with your clients is when you show your ability to understand and articulate their mission back to them. This is what separates the “men from the boys,” so to speak. Find the commonalities you share.

Like a Venn diagram, the way your mission, vision and values overlap with your client’s mission, vision and values will be the foundation for your communication. That’s how to build your network. It can be the most powerful tool in your arsenal.

When Your Mission Differs

Not every client (and certainly not every employee) is going to align with you. Listen to the complaints, criticisms and negative talk because there may be valuable truth underneath. The guy you want to “shut up” in the meeting may be telling you just the thing you need to hear—it may be exactly what you need to work on to elevate your business.

When it becomes necessary to steer the conversation or redirect, don’t make it personal. We always like to tell people: when you bring up a problem, you’re responsible for finding the solution. Hold yourself to that. It’s not about bitching and moaning over gripes, it’s about discussing the problem, understanding if it conflicts with the company’s vision, and working on a solution.

There are also times when an employee’s values and vision just won’t sync up with the company’s vision. In that case, what a powerful gift to be able to “liberate” them to find a place where they’re better aligned. So often, it’s seen as a negative thing when someone moves on from their job. But how amazing is it to be in a position to do some reflection and move toward something you really want?

Real Human Connections

Whenever you work with someone, employee, colleague or potential clients, find out what commonalities you share. Engage with them and get to the heart of communication. Work to find balance in each conversation—where you’re listening to what they’re saying and you truly hear them.

Take risks and see where you can help people. We hold back on truly engaging with others because of our own insecurity or because we don’t feel we have enough value. Instead, put yourself out there. Let go of those limiting beliefs and make it a goal to find out where your values overlap.

It’s always a goal of ours to find ways to have greater outcomes. With this goal comes greater responsibilities and yes, great risks. Continue to develop yourself and work toward making the connection with those around you. Help others find ways to bring out their best selves and you will also bring out your own.

Listen to this episode here on BlogTalkRadio or here on iTunes.
Check Out Lifestyle Podcasts at BlogTalkRadio with Wright Living on BlogTalkRadio.

Want to boost your career? If you’d like to learn more about what the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential has to offer check out:

Want to improve your sales? The Wright Sales Program is a hands-on, experiential program that provides sales professionals with an opportunity to boost their sales performance through the application of social and emotional intelligence to their selling techniques. [Learn more!]

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Wright Living is a division of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential, a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

How to Make Your Clients
and Customers LOVE You

Posted on January 14, 2016November 4, 2017 by Wright Foundation

We all want client and customer loyalty. You want your customers to love you because it leads back to your pocketbook and your bottom line. You know what? It’s not about that.

If you truly want to get your clients to love you and stand behind you, you have to love them back. It’s that simple. If you engage with your clients in a genuine, honest manner, and if you care about them and connect with their yearnings on a human level, I’m telling you: most of your clients will love you.

Engage and Communicate

It’s about understanding the continuum of engagement and communication. It exists in all relationships: not simply romantic relationships but client relationships as well. There’s a spectrum of engagement.

On the left side of the spectrum, you’re on the phone with your client and they can hear you click-click-clicking away as you browse the Internet while they drone on. Likewise, maybe last week, you showed up to a meeting, but you didn’t participate. Maybe you were half-listening, but your mind was on your next client, everything else you had to do that day, or where you wanted to go for lunch.

In these examples, you’re disengaged.

On the right side of the spectrum, you have honesty and openness. You’re engaged in every client interaction. You care about making a connection with your individual client: learning who they are and understanding their yearnings and desires. You can see the ways they want to be known and make a difference, and they can see the ways you want to be known and make a difference.

You’re communicating. You’re engaged.

Conflict is Okay

Every single client isn’t going to love you. There will be things you do your client won’t love. There will be times when you screw up or when they screw up. Frankly, you might not even like certain things about your client. (Maybe they have an annoying voice or they talk endlessly about their cat.) Still, if you approach every interaction from a place of love and understanding, and if you work to see your client for who they are in an honest light, you will connect.

Just like relationships, we have to get down to the heart of the conflict to understand where both sides are coming from. Rather than shying away, it’s about engaging and working together. In our forthcoming book, The Heart of the Fight, we talk about fighting fairly and following the rules of engagement.

These same rules can be applied to your customer interactions as well.

As you energize your life and ignite your world, you’ll inspire transformation in others. Clients will love you and want to engage with you because they will be drawn to the way you see them and engage with them.

Tap into Yearning

Yearning is a deep longing. It’s not simply wanting to make more money or wanting a new car. It’s about something that can be realized in the here and now. You may yearn for attention or yearn for validation. Clients may yearn to be heard and listened to.

The bottom line of making your clients happy and getting them to flock to you is to keep your vision focused toward the greater good. Put yourself out there—but not in a way where you’re constantly “selling” or “always closing.” Figure out what your clients’ needs are and how you can meet them.

This means keeping up on communication. Keep up your social media and your blog. Let clients know the wonderful things you’re doing in the world and exactly how you can meet their needs.

If you’re selling a product, you need to understand your client’s need for that product. How will your goods or services meet their needs and help them become happier, healthier, or more successful? When you tap into the underlying need, the product or service sells itself. Not only that, but clients will promote you as well.

You’ll attract more clients by shining and radiating to those who need your services.

Attract your clients, rather than seeking them out. Do intentional networking and find ways you can touch others’ lives and energize them. Find new ways to engage and to understand the needs and yearnings of your customers. Follow your vision and hold to your mission. By wanting to serve people with the services you offer (rather than selling your services), you’ll see a paradigm shift in both the way you interact with clients and the way they interact with you.

Through this simple shift, you will engage more fully and find yourself connected to loyal customers who love you just as much as you love them. It’s part of social and emotional intelligence and transformational leadership. Once you embrace it, you’ll find you will become your client’s trusted advisor.

Listen to this episode here on BlogTalkRadio or here on iTunes.
Check Out Lifestyle Podcasts at BlogTalkRadio with Wright Living on BlogTalkRadio.

To continue the conversation on engaging with others and to discover ways to bring out your best self, click here to learn more about our next More Life Training. You’ll learn skills to become more alive, more connected, and fully engaged in your life and your career.

Want to boost your career? If you’d like to learn more about what the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential has to offer check out:

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Blog post image courtesy: Flickr user stevieawards.

Your Life, Your Career:
Unleash YOU
in the New Year

Posted on January 7, 2016November 4, 2017 by Wright Foundation

Anyone can have a job. When I was growing up, people in town talked about their jobs—day in and day out, they went through the motions, earned a paycheck and brought it home.

There’s nothing wrong with a job, but a job doesn’t bring the satisfaction of a career.

A job pays your bills, but a career unlocks your path and helps to shape your journey. Your career vision may not be clearly laid out in front of you. Many of us don’t have a clue what we want to do until we’re actually doing it. Your career should be satisfying and fulfilling, and help you bring out your best.

So you may be saying, “But Bob, I’m sick of my career,” or “My career feels hollow and doesn’t challenge me in the right ways.” If that’s the case, you’re probably frustrated and feeling defeated. In 2016, let’s recommit to being our most alive. Let’s bring out vibrancy and the satisfaction of success that transformation and growth can bring. Revisit your vision and boost your social and emotional intelligence to refocus your leadership. Find your voice!

Happy people are happy. Choose to be happy, trustworthy and truthful. Be someone others can count on. It’s not about having the highest degree or the strongest pedigree. There are people with MBAs from Harvard, Stanford, or Northwestern who still feel dissatisfied with their careers. Choose to engage and make a positive role for yourself. People will notice your greatness.

You can learn more about transformation and how to jumpstart your personal growth by reading our book, Transformed!: The Science of Spectacular Living.

Connecting with Clients in 2016

If you’re building up clients, either in a new career or if you’re just trying to reenergize and boost your current career, you might feel yourself holding back. Interactions might seem shallow, and you may not know if you’re truly connecting with your customers, clients, and those lives you’re touching. This is especially important in the coaching field, but can apply to any career.

First of all, you have to show interest in every single client. Listen to them. Ask them what they want, and don’t be scared if the answer isn’t what you think you want to hear. Feedback is vital, even if it means you’ve got to work harder or change something to please your customers.

If you find you hold back because of a fear of rejection, you need to push past it. Set yourself up to build the muscle of being on your own side. Yes, it might hurt to hear a client doesn’t love your work, but roll past it, learn from it, and use it to grow.

Clients will reject you. That’s okay. The way to deal with it is to simply have more clients and connections. If you only have one customer contact per day, the customer becomes too precious and the fear of scarcity kicks in. If you have five or six, then relying on just one client to make or break you becomes a non-issue.

Let go of the fear by building up more connections—even those you don’t think will go anywhere or those you KNOW will reject you. Flex the muscle of being on your own side and use it to make you stronger. Explore why your clients are dissatisfied and consider what you can learn from the interaction.

Being More Productive in 2016

How many of us are on self-imposed deadlines. And how many of us keep giving ourselves extensions? Stop! Enlist some accountability and support, and you’ll find you’ll ramp up your productivity.

We’ve talked about mindfulness and meditation as ways to boost your productivity. Let go of soft addictions. Stop checking your Facebook and social media twenty times a day. Stop being a slave to your email. Look at your day, prioritize, and approach each task mindfully and fully.

When you make a deadline, stick to it. If you’re having a hard time holding yourself accountable, find a way to MAKE yourself accountable. Put your money where your mouth is. Write a check to an organization you oppose. (If you’re very conservative, for example, write a check to the Democratic Party or if you’re very liberal, write a check to the NRA.) Find a friend to hold the check for you and to send it if you don’t make your deadline. It will hurt, and I guarantee it will make you hold fast to your timeline.

At the same time, in your push for productivity, be sure you don’t push so hard you end up doing everything and burning yourself out. This can be difficult for managers, especially if you’ve been burned by mistakes and misguided employees in the past.

Rather than trying to manage all the irons in the fire, take a step back. Put on a self-imposed gag order or restraint. Give your team clear job descriptions and clear orders. Direct your team to take care of the problem and trust them to do it. If they can’t, then it’s time to find a team who can. It can be hard to let go of control, especially for Regulators, who want to control all the reins and make sure everything is going their way. Loosen your grip and allow your employees to share your vision and succeed.

Unleash YOU!

As you look to boost your career and amp up your satisfaction in 2016, give yourself permission to stop holding back. Allow yourself to become fully engaged. Stop the fear of what others will think or how they might reject you. Let go of your self-consciousness and go for it.

Too often WE are the very thing holding ourselves back. We think now isn’t the right time to start doing what we want or that we have to go full-in and put everything on the line to get there. Sometimes, it can feel like if we don’t get all the way there or if we “fail,” then we should just give up and throw in the towel.

Instead, allow yourself room to grow. Bite off pieces, set goals, and take steps towards transformation. It doesn’t happen all at once—it’s a process. You just need to give yourself permission to start and the tools you need to succeed.

You can gain these tools by joining us for our first More Life Training workshops, where you’ll learn skills to become more alive, more connected, and fully engaged in your life and your career. Bring out your best self in 2016.

Listen to this episode here on BlogTalkRadio or here on iTunes.
Check Out Lifestyle Podcasts at BlogTalkRadio with Wright Living on BlogTalkRadio.

If you want to know more about how to work on your own social and emotional intelligence and growth, click here to learn more about our More Life Training. Don’t miss our transformative high-value workshops. Join us to discover the tools you need to go forth and ignite your world. [Learn more!]

Want to boost your career? If you’d like to learn more about what the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential has to offer check out:

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Blog post image courtesy: Flickr user v1ctor.

Let’s Make Friendships Mean Something This Year!

Posted on January 4, 2016March 23, 2023 by Wright Foundation

Remember when you were a kid and your best friend lived right next door? I’ll bet you thought they were just like you—you had the same interests, liked the same toys, and went to the same school…

As we get older, our worlds expand, and our interests, values and goals change. We find ourselves less connected to those who are close to us simply because they live next door. We demand more meaning from our relationships. We need friends who elevate us.

We may have allies at work who propel us forward and who we work well with, but are they really our friends? Just because we have simpatico relationships at work, that doesn’t necessarily mean we share common interests and values, or that we’d like to spend time with our colleagues when outside the office. Allies bond around a common objective. Friends bond around common values.

As we get older, it can be more difficult to make friends—not because they aren’t available, but because we aren’t willing to settle for a friendship that’s simply based on liking the same football team or enjoying the same movies. Those friendships can still exist in our lives, of course, but they aren’t the real, truly meaningful ones.

Why Do I Still Connect With My Old Friends?

Chances are you still have a few things in common with your childhood friends, plus, it feels like old times when you see them. You grew up together, so, almost like siblings, you can find yourself picking right up on conversations, inside jokes, and shared memories every time you get together. This familiarity is comforting and it goes without saying that you probably do share some value commonalities, seeing as you have similar backgrounds.

That said, our childhood friends have probably journeyed on different paths. They may not be as connected with us on a deeper level, so we can find ourselves feeling like we’re back in the same old “boxes” and reverting back to limiting behaviors from when we were kids. As we get older, we need to connect with people on a deeper level. We require more from friendship. We want friends who will help us with our personal growth, who teach us, and who keep us on a forward trajectory. We want new friends who don’t feel like dead weight, pulling us back into old patterns.

It’s easy to feel like those first friendships were our closest and that we’ll never find such loyal friends again. In truth, when we’re younger, friendships are based on intimacy and loyalty, but now we want friends who are loyal to higher values we both share (not simply friends who have your back against the neighborhood bully).

Being honest with others and expressing your values to them can help you engage with new people and find commonalities. It can feel strange and uncomfortable at first, but reach past that to really see each person in the true light of who they are. Express yourself honestly and openly and you will draw in those who share common values and integrity.

When Friends Have Problems

Everyone goes through tough times and it can be painful and hard to watch. If your friend is going through marital struggles or a personal crisis, we can often want to distance ourselves lest their “bad mojo” somehow spill over into our own lives. And it’s true: when a friend has marital problems, it can stir up feelings about your own relationship. It’s not uncommon for a friend’s divorce to taint your marriage.

There are ways to let your friend know you care about them. Listen and hear them out, and don’t allow their problems to become your problems. Keep your perspective and don’t let relating to them become a free-for-all to bitch about your own spouse. Be honest with them and express your concern. If a friend is struggling with an addiction or some behavior that doesn’t reflect your values, let them know while you don’t like what they’re doing and you won’t be a part of it, you are there to help when they’re ready.

Unfortunately, we can’t change our friend’s behavior, and in cases of substance abuse and other self-destructive patterns, we can even become so involved it drags us down too. Be sure you don’t fall into drama and swoop in to “rescue” your friend. Ally yourself with others who are also concerned for their well-being (friends, their spouse) and let them know while you won’t enable their behavior, you’re certainly supportive when they’re ready to make a change.

If your friends have a difference of opinion from you or a political stance you might not agree with, engage with them and let them know why you feel the way you do. It can feel a little frightening at first to say, “Hey, this is what I think and I don’t agree with what you’re saying,” and as we all know, some acquaintances can’t stand up to that. Real friendships based on mutual respect can handle differences of opinions. However, some of my best friends have been part of some of my most heated political and social debates. As long as you’re honest and you respect that you might not always see eye-to-eye (but you do know they’re coming from a place of shared values), express your opinions freely.

Patterns in Our Friendships

Maybe you find you seek friends of the opposite gender or you don’t feel as comfortable opening up to male friends as you do to females. Perhaps you’re a woman who feels competitive with female friends and friendships can become more about one-upping than about supporting and growing.

Look at your parents and your siblings, and where you fall into patterns with them. Are you seeking female friends because you’re the oldest and you fall into the pattern of wanting to connect with your mother—looking for the feeling of primacy and importance? Do you feel threatened by friends of the same gender because they might be competing for attention from your spouse who is your best friend, similar to the way your siblings competed for attention from a parent?

Doing your own work can tell you a lot about your friendship patterns and what’s important to you in your relationships. You can learn a great deal about what personality traits you seek in friends and what patterns you fall into simply because they’re familiar or comfortable.

Sometimes, we reach a point where we’re ready to move on from a friendship and downgrade it to an acquaintance. That is perfectly natural, and it happens often without much fanfare or discussion. If it’s important for you to express your feelings to the friend and explain why, bring it up. More often than not though, the discussion won’t lead to change or fix the relationship. If a friendship has truly lived past its prime, allowing some distance and moving on can be the best thing.

As you examine your relationships this year, make time for those that bring out your best and help you grow. Spend time with people who challenge your mind and your emotional intelligence. Friends should make you stretch yourself and you should bond around your mutual values.

Learn more about your relationships by joining us for More Life Training workshops. You’ll learn skills to engage your social and emotional intelligence, connect with others, and be your best self.

Listen to this episode here on BlogTalkRadio.
Check Out Lifestyle Podcasts at BlogTalkRadio with Wright Living on BlogTalkRadio.

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Want to learn more about more satisfying dates and relationships? If you’d like to learn more about what the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential has to offer check out:

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Blog post image courtesy: Flickr user 15216811@N06.

Wright Living is a division of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential, a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.