Understanding
Red Flags in the
Dating World

In the dating world, there are many ups and downs: plenty of fun dates…and plenty of awful ones.

But no matter how your dating life is going, as you get to know other people, you get to know yourself.

We’d like to tell you there’s a standard set of so-called “red flags” to look out for, but (other than the obvious), each person’s red flags are different. As you get to know people when dating, you may start to notice particular red flags that relate to you—and that list may change over time. That’s completely ok.

Dating is About Getting to Know Your Date…and Yourself

Ask yourself what you’re looking for in a partner before each date. Approach every date as a learning opportunity and over time you’ll discover more about what you’re looking for. This will allow you to more efficiently determine if someone is right for you or not…before you’re 12 bad dates down the road with someone you don’t like. The more you date, the more your personal set of red flags will become obvious—and the easier it will be to make decisions about which direction to go.

First dates don’t need to be filled with awkward small talk. Invite your date into your life and let them get to know you! Listening skills and open communication are important in all relationships, so be sure you’re listening up yourself. Be willing to be open with your answers to questions—and see if your date reciprocates.


Look inside yourself to discover what you like and what you don’t like in another person. Ask yourself: Am I overly critical of the other person because I’m uncomfortable on first dates? Am I being myself and allowing myself to genuinely express my feelings?


In new relationships, we may question each other’s motives and contexts. Plus, differences often come up—and sometimes these differences feel scary. All of these things add up and can prevent you from really getting to know someone.

A deep, fulfilling relationship is one where we understand our emotions and each other’s emotions, and we connect on the same level.

It’s OK to Be Selfish. Just Be Honest!

It’s ok to seek out exactly what you want. You don’t have to give everyone another chance. If you’re not feeling in tune with the other person, don’t be afraid to move on. Choose to be your authentic self and trust that interested people will find you and follow you.

We cannot change each other, no matter how badly we want to or believe we can. You can certainly promote leadership in the dating world by holding your own standards and boundaries—and this may rub off on others who are stuck in the grind of keeping those walls up.

Know who and what you’re looking for and go after it! It’s okay to be selfish when dating—this is your life and you are free to fill it with the people you feel build you up and meet your expectations.

Your Red Flags Are Your Own

Dating allows you to put yourself out there and potentially find a new friend or romantic partner that suits your needs, interests, and goals. Remember to define what you seek in a partner first—and note what your potential red flags could be. This way, instead of slugging it out and waiting until the fifth or sixth date to unleash a slew of annoyances and criticisms, you may be able to more efficiently realize this person simply isn’t right for you.

Remember that by being your authentic self, from your first date to your 100th, is key. You have the right to have what you want and to set boundaries that are meaningful for you in your relationships.

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About the Author

table-img-6

Monica is the Admissions Coordinator and Marketing Specialist at the Wright Graduate University. As the admissions coordinator and head of marketing for WGU, Monica oversees recruiting, student admissions, customer services and marketing efforts.


The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

Featured image via Flickr.

 

Want to Change
Your Career?
First Change Yourself.

It’s quite common for people to question if their current career or job is the right fit. While online personality quizzes, career consultants, and tons of different tests may help steer you in the right direction, they’re not the answer—and you’ll still feel “off” at work.


Even if you’ve been told you’d make a great lawyer, maybe it’s not something you’re really interested in. “Finding the right career” is about the job, sure, but by and large the real question is: Are you the bringing the right person to the job?

Don’t Quit Your Job—Instead, Engage and Communicate

If you’re in a job or career path that you’re not 100% in love with, it’s often not the tasks or the office that bugs you. Instead, it could be that your personality or way of thinking doesn’t fit in with the job itself.

Generally, people who want to change jobs aren’t fully engaged and they aren’t communicating their issues with the right people. When going to work, you first need to become the right person for your job. Bring the right person to work and perhaps you’ll both thrive in your position and help the company become what it strives to be. Ensure you own your job fully—and then, be honest and communicate to your superiors about what’s actually making you unhappy at work.

Then, either the company changes…or they’ll “liberate” you (i.e. kick you to the curb) to find that next place to work, or someone else will discover you and recruit you into something else. Fully engage and communicate and the path will reveal itself.

As a Manager, How Do I Handle People Who I Don’t Think Are Right?

Supervisors can and should discuss job performance and personality with their employees. Be fully present with those underneath you and give full, yet constructive feedback. Record “work warnings” so you know what you want to discuss.

Remember that the word “friend” is not in the job title. Supervisors need to train and manage, ensuring the department and employees succeed. Coaching helps when it is constructive—and when done correctly. Be direct with employees but not cruel. Let them know about the company’s goals and missions and be clear about how they fit into the big picture.

What If I Need To Let Someone Go?

Liberating someone is one thing, but learning your own lessons is another. It may be easier to cut someone loose for a bogus reason, but it’s not fair to the person because it doesn’t allow him or her to learn what he or she could do better in the future. Plus, have you asked yourself what you could do differently as a manager to ensure future success? Are employees picking up skills? Do they own their work and the area they’re in? Are they coachable? Additionally, supervisors may feel guilt if their employees are not performing. This isn’t an efficient retention plan as it will only allow poor performances to continue.

If you really must deal with an employee’s negative behaviors, put them on plan: On the first offense, give a written warning stating his or her behavior or work performance issues. A second written warning should note the employee has 30 days to shape up or ship out. This is the only way to let the employee know if they’re right for their job—and this scenario may allow them to be liberated into a new experience.

Bring the Right Person to Work…and the Solution Will Arrive

Whether you’re an entry-level employee or an upper-level executive, the question “Should I change careers?” is not important. The key is discovering whether you’re right for the job. Ask yourself the important questions and bring your best self into work. By doing so, you’ll either thrive within the company, be liberated from your position, or be recruited into something else. Whatever the outcome, you’ll at least be able to learn and grow from your current position—as long as you fully engage.


About the Author

Dr. Bob Wright is an internationally recognized visionary, educator, program developer, leadership and sales executive, best-selling author and speaker. He is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.


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The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

3 Keys to Better
Communication
in Relationships

Everyone knows that committed relationships take hard work, open communication, and self-reflection.


Sometimes someone says or does something the other person doesn’t like. Sometimes we end up thinking, “I wish I wouldn’t have said that.” We try our best to be loving and supportive partners, but during heated moments it’s easy to lose sight of the big picture or to let something slip we didn’t really mean.

Within any relationship, there are always opportunities to improve your communication with your partner. Here’s how…

1. Remember Where Your Emotions Come From

When you’re in a conflict, you can use the fight as an opportunity to grow, learn, and develop. 80% of hurt in fights is historic: something happening now reminds you of the past and brings up those old feelings. For example, an interaction with your partner could stir up feelings of embarrassment due to a similarly embarrassing experience from your childhood. This emotional charge could prevent you from equipping yourself for the conflict and cloud your judgment. Be assertive with your feelings and make them known. If you need to, take a break from the conflict to get your bearings straight.

2. Stop Managing and Communicate What You Yearn For

During any sort of conflict, it’s important to keep the focus on your feelings and the feelings of your partner. The goal is not to change them. Instead, it’s about finding common ground. It’s easy to get into the bad habit of trying to micromanage your partner and the way he or she does things. You may be doing it subtly or even subconsciously. The other person may be feeling managed due to the words or body language choices you’re making. Stop and take the time to understand their reactions. Then you can both communicate what you’re yearning for and reveal the true roots of the conflict.

3. Don’t Forget the Rules of Engagement

There are actually 7 ground rules for conflict, which we will reveal in our book,  The Heart of the Fight from New Harbinger Publications. Available now from Amazon!

For now, let’s break down 3 of the big ones:


Each person is responsible for 100% of their own happiness.

It’s not up to your partner to make you feel satisfied. It’s completely up to you. Reflect on the things you yearn for in life: what really makes you feel engaged in this world? When you understand how to make yourself happy, you’ll no longer need to rely on others. Yes, your partner may make you feel emotionally, sexually, or socially satisfied—but only YOU are behind the definition of what that really means.

Nobody gets more than 50% of the blame in a fight.

It may be tough at times, but regardless of what the fight is about, no one gets more than half of the blame. Period. There may be times when you could easily admit your part in a scenario. For example, you know that you did in fact leave the car windows rolled down when it was raining. However, when conflicts are deeper or when you feel you own none of the blame, it’s time to get completely honest with yourself about the situation. Ask yourself what your role in the conflict was, even if it seems minute at the time. If the roles were reversed, what could you have done to prevent the situation from happening? Own up to your part in the fight, whether it’s obvious or not.

Agree with the truth, always.

This can be quite difficult, because it means admitting someone else may be right. Sometimes the truth hurts, but you have to face the facts when your significant other makes a statement you know isn’t false. Instead of getting defensive, once again look within and own the truth. It’s been said that it shall set you free, after all—so make every effort possible to keep the facts straight and the drama down low.


It’s not always easy to be in a relationship and it can be really easy to feel as though you’re not communicating with your partner. Communication is about honesty, both within yourself and with your partner. Keep your personal emotions in check during times of heated conflict or things could be become much worse. Remember the rules of engaging in conflict. Focusing on these 3 keys to better communication will ensure you and your partner will be able to learn and grow from each new situation.


About the Author

Dr. Bob Wright

Dr. Bob Wright is an internationally recognized visionary, educator, program developer, leadership and sales executive, best-selling author and speaker. He is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.


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The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential the a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

How to Be More Confident at Work

Many adults believe they have it all figured out—all the questions are answered and all the plans are put in place. But the reality is that inside each one of us resides a child-like self—the part of us that is excited and spontaneous, the part that loves to learn and grow.

Just like children need limits and boundaries to be both safe and secure, as well as to allow for exploration and curiosity, we as adults must know and understand our own limits and boundaries at the office, lest we lose creative opportunities.

To be safe and secure and to be able to experiment, make mistakes, learn and grow, it’s useful to understand the rules of engagement at work. The number one rule at any workplace: Remember that the company has a purpose, missions and goals.

 

What’s the difference between purpose, mission and goals?

All three elements (purpose, mission and goals) coincide to complete one another. The purpose is the company’s main contribution to society, and its mission and goals follow. For example, a company that manufactures infant toys may strive to develop and deliver quality products to their customers. This is a mission, not a purpose. A purpose is deeper; in this situation, the company’s purpose is to enhance and foster life and maximize a child’s development. The goals of this company would typically be financial, such as hitting milestones in terms of units sold, profits and other business markers.

 

How does understanding the company’s direction help me at work?

Understanding your company’s direction ensures you’re more secure at work, enhancing your confidence as you walk into work every day knowing exactly why you’re there. Seeking to fulfill your company’s purpose, missions and goals will allow you to communicate better with your coworkers and superiors because you’ll understand the set of parameters you’re working within, allowing you to be fully engaged with your work in a more creative way.

Once you understand how you fit in, then it’s important to understand where your coworkers fit in as well. Seek to understand how they fit in to your company’s purpose, missions and goals before trying to communicate. For example, if you think your boss is a real jerk, ask yourself: Is his behavior out of alignment with the company’s purpose, mission and goals…or is he actually being a jerk? Knowing this will help you truly understand your boss’ behavior and respond accordingly. Office politics and drama often subside when you’re clear in your purpose within the company and you understand the motivations of your coworkers.

 

What if my company is failing to offer a purpose, limits or boundaries?

As people go through their careers, they find that no two companies are alike. Some businesses may be very clear about their rules of engagement while others may be more convoluted. Don’t be afraid to ask your superior questions like:

  • What is our company’s deeper purpose?
  • What are the most important missions for us right now?
  • How can I best contribute to our company goals?

Being assertive and direct will show your loyalty to the company and demonstrate your intention to always have their best interests in mind.

 

How can I be more confident at work with senior management?

The ability to sit in on a meeting or have a chat with people in senior management positions doesn’t have to be intimidating or nerve-wracking. These are the people in the company closest to its purpose, so they likely have insights as to your company’s missions and goals. When we become shy because of intimidation, that energy is sensed by others, often leading to a self-fulfilling-prophecy scenario. Let that stinkin’ thinkin’ go and allow yourself to gain what senior management has to offer you—especially as it relates to the overreaching company purpose.

Know your company’s purpose, mission and goals and how you relate to each in your position, appreciate how your coworkers fit in, and be assertive and you’ll find yourself more engaged, more fulfilled and more confident at work.

 

Dr. Bob Wright
Dr. Bob Wright
Dr. Bob Wright is an internationally recognized visionary, educator, program developer, leadership and sales executive, best-selling author and speaker. He is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.

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Wright Living is a division of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential, a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

How to Know Which
Questions to Ask
on a First Date

Going on first dates (whether paired up by mutual friends or an Internet dating site) is bound to be a bit awkward.

Hey, meeting anyone for the time can sometimes be a little difficult! Many people wonder what questions they should ask their date to determine if it’s a potential match (…aside from the typical: “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” stuff).

Ask Yourself Some Questions First

The truth is, there’s no one right or wrong question to ask. Instead, you need to ask yourself some important questions first. Think about what core values you’re searching for in a potential mate and relationship. First, think about what you’re looking for. Are you looking for casual dating, or a lifelong relationship? Understanding yourself and what you’re yearning for increases your chances of getting it! For example, one of my core values is honesty. Sometimes I ask my dates what their impression of me is. From their answers, I can tell whether they are willing to take risks and tell the truth, or whether they tend toward superficial, easy, “nice” conversation. It helps me to get a sense as to whether they share my values system.

Don’t Be Scared to be Direct

Super-direct questions such as, “Why are you dating?” or “What are you looking for in a relationship?” can seem intense. Some people may be uncomfortable with this approach. (What if the other person is weirded out or thinks I’m coming on too strong?) Don’t sweat it. Your ability to ask the tough questions is actually about empowering yourself and allowing yourself to get what you want. Instead of playing all of those guessing games that tend to go along with the dating world, be direct right out of the gate to save yourself some time and more pain later.

Truly Listen to your Date’s Answers and Stay Authentic

Asking a lot of questions on first dates can also help lead you to understand your own deeper wanting and yearning. Certain questions may heed different results and will help you understand what’s actually important to you. Don’t be afraid to be a warrior: have high expectations. There’s something you want out of connections with people and you deserve to be satisfied. Be your authentic self on dates. When I’m afraid to be truthful and authentic on a date, it’s often because I’m afraid of being rejected. The thing is, I don’t truly want to end up in a relationship where I’m not being myself! I would rather be known for my true opinions, thoughts, and feelings, and eventually be in a relationship with someone who values who I really am—even if it takes a little longer.

What If I Don’t Want to be Direct Right Away?

Some people may be shy at first—I know I can be! Perhaps you‘re afraid to ask direct questions until you’re a little more comfortable with the person. The point is to be direct even when you’re afraid. We’re all dating with the goal of a connection with another human being. Playing a game while not being authentic will only end with a greater loss. Sure, putting yourself out there and being authentic is a risk—you’re definitely getting out of your comfort zone. But ask yourself, “What’s blocking me from engaging in the here and now? How can I get the support I need to take risks and ask the direct questions?” Discover these answers and you may be willing to up the ante. For example, do you have any deal breakers? Ask about it upfront and then decide how you feel about their answer.

What If I Feel I Don’t Like the Person at the Beginning of the Date?

Create value for yourself anyway! Even if you’re totally sure you’re not interested, you can still learn something about yourself and have a connection with another human being. Ask more questions. Maybe you will learn about what you like…or dislike. At the end of the date, whether you decide to meet again or not, at least you’ve given yourself the opportunity to put yourself out there and learn more about what you’re looking for in another person. Put away those snap judgments and allow yourself to be curious and present in the date.


All in all, being your authentic self and initiating open and honest communication from the start sets up positive expectations for relationships.


Hey, it’s ok to go on a lot of first dates! The idea is to meet new people and get to know yourself in the process. Meeting someone great should just be a bonus! Have fun!

For more ways to understand what you truly desire in life, visit Wright Now. We offer an array of courses geared to help you learn more about yourself, your career, and your relationships. So don’t miss out on the life you want. Start today!

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About the Author

Rachel Zwell

Rachel is a Coach and Executive Assistant to the CEO at Wright. She specializes in coaching adolescents, helping them navigate young adulthood and grow into their gifts and leadership. Rachel is responsible for leading and facilitating groups during weekend trainings. Currently, Rachel is pursuing her master’s in Transformational Leadership and Coaching from the Wright Graduate University.


The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

What’s the Best
Job Fit for
Your Personality?

When you were young, did you think about what kind of job you wanted as an adult? Or were you not so sure? Maybe you still aren’t sure what job might be the best fit and you’re trying to find out.  


Or maybe you want a different job that will give you more meaning and satisfaction in life. While there are many quizzes and questionnaires online and beyond meant to help you determine what your ideal career may be, it actually boils down to your own personality and your personal focus in life.

Can a career in and of itself bring your life meaning and satisfaction?

Satisfaction and meaning in life are based more on the way in which we live our lives. The essence of meaning in our lives isn’t in what we do but in how we do it. The biggest mistake people make is searching for a meaningful job without first understanding how to engage in life meaningfully.


When looking for a job to provide meaning for you, you’re missing the fact that human beings create meaning for themselves.


For example, when given a task at work, try to think about how to engage in it with excitement and joy. Challenge yourself and have fun with the task, instead of focusing on how much you may dislike it. This will bring you long-term satisfaction because you bring your own meaning into your work instead of relying on the work to give your life meaning.

What are the Four Types of Personalities?

At Wright, we’ve developed a personality profile assessment tool called the CARE Profile that defines four prominent personality traits: Cooperator, Analyzer, Regulator, and Energizer. Though one person can certainly have strong traits in more than one personality type, many people lean towards one of the four. Understanding which personality fits you can be one of the most useful ways to determine your ideal career.

 

  • Cooperator – A person who is a cooperator tends to be more feeling-oriented and passive, as they wish to please others. Cooperators are generally less concerned with time, tasks and productivity and instead care more about people, feelings and listening. While they may be great at building relationships, cooperators also tend to take fewer risks and be indecisive.
  • Analyzer – Analyzers are more thinking-oriented as opposed to feeling-oriented. Like cooperators, they tend to be more passive. People with this personality trait are great organizers and are very precise in their work. Analyzers care more about accuracy and security than they do about friends and feelings. They are less likely to take risks but they are less social than cooperators.
  • Regulator – People who are regulators have can-do attitudes and are natural leaders. They tend to be thinking-oriented and assertive, caring less about the approval of others and more about achieving their goals. Regulators want to feel in control of situations, so they communicate directly and without hesitation. While this may come off as confrontational, regulators have the company’s best interests at heart.
  • Energizer – Enthusiasm is the greatest strength of those with an Energizer personality. Energizers are more feeling-oriented and assertive; they are concerned with appreciation and approval but less concerned with deadlines and rules. These folks tend to be creative, outgoing and risk takers but are often distracted by their excitement and desire for approval.

What Jobs are Best for each Personality Type?

Truth be told, there’s no one perfect job for each personality type. Nearly all careers require aspects of all four, but there are certain positions that are more likely to mesh well with the different personality types.

Cooperators are great team members and work well in environments where they’ll be with others. If you’re an Analyzer and like things to be precise, then an accountant or city planner job may be the best for you. Regulators are problem-solvers and leaders—they may aim for top leadership positions immediately. Energizers really want people to like them and to be enthused and excited about their mission, so they make great entrepreneurs.

How can I Shift my Personality to do Better at Work?

Each personality trait has pros and cons and every job requires different amounts of each personality type. Cooperators may be good communicators, but struggle to ask the tough questions. Regulators may push too hard too soon, and Energizers can get lost talking with people. So if you happen to be an Analyzer going into sales, you may need to work on some personality traits to succeed.

This is called style shifting: for example, you may need to learn to act like an Energizer or be more driven like a Regulator or be more relationship-oriented like a Cooperator. The more a job requires a certain personality, the more shifting you need to do.

Think about it this way: an Energizer as an accountant could be bored with the numbers, leading to less accuracy in their tasks, due to distractions from colleagues. Analyzers love numbers and getting things right, but Cooperators like doing the numbers because they’re serving others. Each personality type has different qualities and reasons for engagement to bring to the table—and each needs to shift into a new role to derive the most satisfaction out of their work.

The Bottom Line

Finding the “perfect” career is a tough feat but it’s entirely possible to find a job you enjoy that matches your personality. However, before searching, remember that YOU are responsible for deriving meaning and satisfaction from your life—don’t expect your job to provide that for you. Understanding the way you lead your life will help you uncover the true meaning of your life.

To learn more about living a meaningful life, visit Wright Now. We offer an array of courses geared to help you learn more about yourself, your career, and your relationships. So don’t miss out on the life you want. Understand yourself now! 

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About the Author

Dr. Bob Wright

Dr. Bob Wright is an internationally recognized visionary, educator, program developer, leadership and sales executive, best-selling author and speaker. He is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.


Learn more about Wright Living’s Career & Leadership Coaching in Chicago & Career Coaching Courses in Chicago.

The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

7 Real Habits of
Happy Couples

While there’s no such thing as a perfect couple, some do seem happier than others.

Why is it that every single relationship seems so amazing while you feel as though you and your partner are constantly at war? It turns out it has a lot to do with our preconceived notions of what relationships ought to be and not what they really are.

The Problem with Preconceived Beliefs and Expectations

The American picture of what relationships “should be” often looks like a fairytale—but reality shows like The Bachelor aren’t exactly real. In fact, studies have shown that around 78% of people are looking for some sort of Cinderella-esque element in their relationships. To find these Mr. and Mrs. Rights, we often tend to seek out those who are compatible and spark chemistry.


“Compatibility” and “chemistry” alone don’t guide us toward happy relationships.


It turns out compatibility actually isn’t the best basis for a relationship. Sure, you and your new girlfriend may both like mini-golf but there’s no way you’ll agree on everything. People’s interests and hobbies grow and change throughout life, so while you and your date may seem to be fairly compatible now, things may be different in the future. Chemistry is also surprisingly not as important in the happiest couples. Yes, there are many studies on brain reactions as they relate to feelings of love and affection, but it turns out this can lead people astray as those powerful “love chemicals” can (and do) wear off.

The belief that “the one” is somewhere out there actually gets in the way of finding true love. When we go into relationships with fairytale expectations and expect that hot chemistry to last forever, it can distract us from really discovering each other. It takes open and honest communication, self-awareness and hard work to make love last.

Ask Yourself: “What Do I Yearn For?”

The most satisfied couples really focus on what they yearn for, not just what they want. You may want your husband to drop off the dry cleaning or remember to lock the back door, but focusing on what you yearn for is what really makes a relationship deep. Dig within yourself to discover what you yearn for—usually it has something to do with yearning to be seen, to be affirmed, to be heard, to be respected, and/or to matter. Searching for what you truly yearn for will help to better understand your wants as well.

Work on YOU—Not Just Your Relationship

Satisfied couples not only work on “the relationship” itself through counseling, coaching and communicating, but they both work on themselves in the process. By recognizing our reactions and triggers and understanding the underlying reasons behind them, we can learn to deal with them appropriately. Have you ever asked yourself why you get so angry when your wife leaves the bathroom lights on? It seems trivial, but perhaps that deep yearning to be heard is being disrespected and therefore causing you to react so strongly.

Will Getting into a Relationship Make Me Happier?

Many people also have the belief that getting into a long-term relationship will make them happier. But your happiness belongs to you and cannot be dependent on your relationship. Maybe finding a fun new partner makes you feel energized and attractive, but many people revert to their old happiness-seeking ways after about 18 months. To make these relationships effective, focus on what makes you happy—aside from your partner.

How Do the Happiest Couples Stay that Way?

It takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears to make a relationship work but the overall happiness that comes from those experiences is more than worth it. So how do couples become and stay happy? The bottom line is follow these seven rules of engagement and to stick to them!

1. Accentuate the positives

Remember why you love one another, and focus on the foundation you have. Affirm each other’s skills and what you appreciate about one another. With this strong focus on the relationship’s foundation, you can weather any storm.

2. Diminish the negatives

This is about getting rid of any snarky or sarcastic attitudes when conflict arises. When you’re upset about something your partner did, calmly explain why. Rolling your eyes or saying something disrespectful will never help.

3. Each person owns 100% of the responsibility for their own satisfaction

As mentioned earlier, you (and only you) own your happiness and personal satisfaction. Being around your partner may make you feel good, but it’s on you to keep it that way. Determine what your goals and dreams are and work toward your own happiness.

4. No one gets more than 50% of the blame in any situation

No matter what you and your partner may be arguing about, you each own part of the blame. You may be mad that your wife bought a new juicer without asking, but perhaps you have concerns about financial goals that have not been expressed openly enough. Understand your place in the conflict and own it.

5. Express and agree with the truth, always

This is very important and very difficult, especially in heated moments. It’s vital in every relationship to always tell the truth, but listening and agreeing with the truth is not as easy. Even if you know your husband is right about something, you may want to fight it just to “win.” But the truth is real and must be acknowledged, no matter how much you don’t want to admit it at the time.

6. Fight for something rather than just against

During a conflict with your significant other, it’s easy for emotions to change rapidly. In an argument, focus on what you’re fighting for—this goes back to what you yearn for. The fight with your partner may be about something trivial, such as what type of car to buy, so dig deeper and unpack what you want out of the situation. This may be the desire to be more eco-friendly and at the same time the yearning to be taken seriously.

7. Assume goodwill with your partner

This last one is also tough, because when going through intense conflict, it can be hard to turn the other cheek. But no matter what the conflict is about, your foundation and love for each other is deeper than anything of that. Keep in mind that whatever your opinions are, you both have each other’s best interests at heart.

The Foundations for Relationship Happiness

Couples deeply entrenched in their relationships and those who are willing to put in the work tend to be the happiest. These couples focus on communication, openness, honesty, intimacy and dealing with problems head-on. By putting the focus on the relationship, and not all of the nice “fluff” associated with it, people can gain a greater appreciation for their partner and therefore the relationship itself.

For more ideas on embracing emotions and healthy relationships, visit Wright Now and explore our selection of courses and webinars. We offer resources to help you discover more about yourself, your relationships, and your career. So start living a life of MORE today!

 

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About the Author
Dr. Judith Wright
Dr. Judith Wright

Dr Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, bestselling author, & world-class coach. She is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University.

Judith has appeared as a featured lifestyle expert and coach on ABC’s 20/20, Oprah, Good Morning America, the Today show and hundreds of radio and television shows. Called the “world’s ultimate expert,” her work has appeared in Marie Claire, Fitness Magazine, Health, Better Homes and Gardens, Shape, The New York Daily News, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Herald, and The San Francisco Chronicle who calls Judith “one of the most sought after self-help gurus” in the country.


The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential is a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.