Month: April 2015

3 Reasons Why Real Relationships are More Intense than Movie Relationships

Posted on by Wright Foundation

Movie relationships are nothing like real relationships, yet many people still have romantic fantasies that cloud their realities. It’s impossible for any couple to be happy all the time – every relationship goes through ups and downs. The real test of a strong couple is whether the two of you are able to work through them and become closer on every level. Not everything in a relationship comes naturally. Most couples have to work on communicating so they can become closer emotionally and physically. Your issues won’t get fixed overnight like they do in a movie.

Here are three reasons why movie relationships are nothing like real relationships:

1. Movies don’t show moment-by-moment vulnerability

I’ve coached hundreds of couples throughout my career, and across the board, men want to have sex to get close and women want to get close to have sex.  In movies, couples experience intense, intimate moments almost instantaneously, but in real life, it takes work to build that level of intimate trust between two people. Sex is a vulnerable act, so you have to be able to trust your partner. If you don’t like something or feel uncomfortable, speak up.  Unlike a movie, your partner won’t automatically know what’s bothering you. You need to learn and grow together to achieve a greater connection and be satisfied.

2. Compromising is hardly seen on the big screen

“You’re always busy working.” “You never want to spend time with me.” “Am I not enough for you?” These are common questions couples face when one person feels the other is too busy. If your partner has been telling you that the two of you need to spend more time together, first tell your partner you appreciate him or her. Remind yourself that you have someone who wants to spend time with you. Then, ask them what’s going on. Find out why they’re feeling down. They might be using you to fill a void in an unfulfilling part of their life or want attention in a different way. No one wants to feel like just a body. Your partner might want something as simple as a kiss on the forehead more often. Asking yourself why you don’t spend enough time with that person is crucial. You might be avoiding them, or not fully sharing important parts of your life. In order for a relationship to work, these issues need to be communicated openly. The problem won’t magically fix itself by the time the credits roll.

3. Movies gloss over the tough stuff

Imagine that you lose your job. In a typical romantic comedy, your significant other would take care of you in a big house, buy you everything you desire, and you would never have to work another day of your life. Reality check: that will never happen. So, when your partner is down about losing something important in their life, like a job, don’t let them sit back and do nothing.  You may have to show them some tough love. Sit down, have a real conversation, and slowly keep pushing them.  They might still get mad or defensive, but that’s okay. Engaging conversations where the two of you help each other reach their potential will strengthen your relationship. So, encouraging your significant other to get started will keep him or her from doing herself an injustice. So, movie relationships are nothing like real relationships.  Couples go through real problems that get intense, but getting through these problems allows you to become closer and have a relationship that is much more interesting than one seen on-screen.

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Wright Living is a division of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential, a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

3 Ways to Take Your Online Relationship Offline

Posted on by Kate Holmquest

Let’s get one thing straight. There’s no such thing as online dating. Until you’ve actually met the person face to face, you’re only dating an idea.


Dating a person you met online is what I like to call, simply, “dating” – but getting there can be frustrating.

Maybe it’s happened to you: you have amazing texting conversations with someone that actually make you laugh out loud. Finally, you go on a real date with them and all you hear are crickets.

Many single people scrap their dating sites and apps after a few of these frustrating encounters. After all, no one starts a match.com or tinder profile dreaming of endless flirty texts and email exchanges.

But there is a purpose to the online phase of a relationship that’s forming, and an art to successfully navigating the transition to being together offline.

Here are a few checkpoints to follow before and during the date:

1. Chat on the phone before your first date

Before meeting them in person, try having a phone conversation first. It’s not about whether the person on the other end of the line has a sexy voice. It’s about how engaged they are with you, how curious, how well they read your moods and cues, and how they flow with you. If you’re bored after five minutes, or if they haven’t made a move by the end of the conversation to seal the first date, it’s not worth your time.

Follow your gut – it’s better to have a mere five minutes of awkwardness rather than waste a whole night with poor company.

If the conversation goes well- fantastic! You can expand on your conversation on the date, and your first meeting will be less awkward.

If you look back at any relationship that lasts, you’ll see how that first conversation planted the seed for so many conversations that followed, and how the challenges and delights you have at date 15 are many of the same ones you had in that first 15 minutes.

Don’t miss the chance to get some great data from the comfort of your phone before meeting in person. Without the additional pressure of having to think about how you look, how they look, what face you’re making, and the constant interruptions of a waiter, you’re in a better position to check in with yourself on what you like and don’t like about the conversation.

2. Keep your first date low-key

When you’re meeting your date for the first time, keep the date simple. Going to a concert or a trapeze lesson might be a thrill, but you’re better off picking a venue you’re sure you can have a conversation in.

The perfect solution is to set up a series of plans, right? Dinner and a movie is classic. Or coffee followed by that concert you want to see. Not so. If your date is going down the drain after ten minutes, you’ve just made it nearly impossible to exit gracefully, and you’re likely to have your dud of a date ruin an otherwise cool experience.

You’re better off keeping your cards to your chest, and if you’re loving the company, mention that cool thing going on nearby you’re planning to go to, and see if your date will join you impromptu.

3. Ask for feedback!

Towards the end of the date, be up-front and ask questions. Ask your date how they think the date went.

Better still, be the first to give feedback. For example, if your date’s not making eye contact, mention it at the 30-minute mark in a light way like, “Hey you over there, I can’t get a read on you because you’re not looking my way much. Are you having a good time?” Your date will show their interest by telling you what’s on their mind or meeting your eyes more for the rest of your time together—or they’ll be defensive or deflect your comment. Either way, it’s important to see how they engage with you when you’re truthful.

Don’t be that person that tells someone, “Let’s go out again!” then vents to her friends about their date’s every awkward move on the way home. Or that person who’s left wondering why she didn’t call. Hear it straight from your date so you can adjust how you are on dates, or adjust the kind of dates you choose.

If you’re the great catch you think you are, you don’t have time to waste online. Get just enough info to decide if a person is worth your time to meet, and get out there and engage offline!

Are you looking for a romantic relationship but aren’t sure of yourself? Learn how to love yourself and realize your inner desires at Wright Now.  Explore our selection of courses and webinars, where we offer resources to help you discover more about yourself, your relationships, and your career. So start living a life of MORE today!

Kate Holmquest

Kate Holmquest is a coach, curriculum developer, and campus director for Wright and the Wright Graduate University for the Realization of Human Potential who believes that dating is one of the best possible playgrounds for discovering and transforming yourself! Potential movie titles that describe her quest for satisfaction in single life are “40 First Dates” (a.k.a. dating with velocity), “Ten Things I Hate About You” (a.k.a. telling the truth on dates), and “The Thing About My Folks” (a.k.a. noticing and breaking the relationship rules I learned at home). 

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Image courtesy Flickr user cgpgrey

Wright Living is a division of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential, a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.