How to Date and Be Yourself


I think it was in The Week, where research said that 100% of dating couples lie to each other at some point. Now the lie might be an exaggeration and remember that there are lies of omission and lies of commission as well. Here’s an interesting thought: if I am looking for someone with whom I can spend the rest of my life with–what are the implications of lying?

I’m not intending to find someone who wants me, I’m intending to find someone who wants what I’m portraying to them.

Let’s say I’m not trying to find a life partner, all I want is to get laid. I’m still in a position of low integrity and I’m paying a very high price for that piece of ass. My integrity gets compromised just to get my rocks off.

Any way you look at it, if I want to be loved and I’m lying, chances are I don’t love myself, otherwise I wouldn’t be lying. So then, I’m exaggerating, minimizing, and changing. The real game is, can I learn to be me in your eyes so that I can learn to accept myself more, whether you accept me or not? Will I risk your rejection so that I can actually have greater self-acceptance? Similarly, will I tell you my thoughts about you so that you will know who I am and how I think about you, so you can decide whether or not to put up with me?


We ask, “If I am looking for someone with whom I can spend the rest of my life with–what are the implications of lying?” This is a pretty loaded question. Some lies we’ve told are the smallest of what lies. But does that make lying ok? Lying is the number one relationship wrecker. Truth is, like we said, it’s just easier to tell the truth, no matter what the consequences are. Lying is not just a hit to your integrity, but it hurts the trust we have worked so hard to establish with our significant other. At the end of the day, if your relationship is important to you and you want to be happy, you shouldn’t be lying.

While dating, what are the benefits of being honest on dates? You might be thinking, “I won’t see this person ever again. This is a horrible first date.” Go ahead, never see that person again. But being honest with yourself is not the ONLY thing that matters when dating. We don’t want to cause a line of damage in our wake as dating individuals. There are so many benefits to being honest with yourself – embrace honesty and live a more fulfilling life.

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How to Stop Stinking Thinking When Sick

I’ve got the respiratory infection that is going around: fever, coughing, and huge fatigue. It’s frustrating because I’m not up to doing the zillions of things that I always do. I pulled it together to do a TV interview hoping I wouldn’t cough during the interview and relieved when I staved it off! I also did a radio interview where I kept pushing the mute button intermittently to hide my coughing. I’ve had to reschedule my coaching appointments, meetings, consultations and arrange for others to cover my classes.

So now, I’m just left with me. In bed. Sick. Feverish. Tired. Listless…but my mind is still really active, thinking…

What value do I have if I am just in bed? I’m worthless unless I’m doing something. I’ve got to go to work …

Then my husband, Bob, just told me he loved me. I heard myself thinking: How can you love me if I’m not doing anything? So, I asked him and he responded with a smile, “I love you just for being here. You are the sweetest little being that I know, even when you piss me off. Right now you don’t piss me off; I just want to hug you.”

He’s helping me re-program my mistaken beliefs about myself and my value, which is what we call Rematrixing. All that stinking thinking I have such as I’m not valuable if I’m not doing something comes from my mistaken beliefs about myself.

One of the categories of stinking thinking I am most prone to is called emotional reasoning: I feel bad so I think I am bad. When I am sick and feel bad, I’m especially susceptible to this form of stinking thinking. I realize I need to take this message in: I am valuable and lovable. I matter. I don’t have to earn love. These are the thoughts that I need to let in. I repeat them to myself as a mantra, imagining Bob’s loving expression as I say them, soaking it in.

The more I can feel the positive thoughts, to let them settle deeply within myself, the more I can Rematrix these positive beliefs. The more conscious I am as I do this, the more these thoughts will become my beliefs.

All of a sudden, I am relaxing and actually thankful that I am sick. Being sick is a good reminder that I am valuable, I am lovable, that my being is as valuable as my doing. Hmmm, I think it’s time for my nap now… ZzZzZzzz



Do you want to know how to rewire your brain to stay positive event when you’re sick? Download Two Free Chapters of the award-winning book Transformed! and learn how Rematrixing can help you reach more daily personal satisfaction.

Celebrating Same Sex
Marriage Equality in Illinois!

I get a kick out of people who are against gay marriage. You’ve got to ask yourself: why? Why is same sex marriage so threatening?

Wouldn’t you rather have people be able to dedicate to a life partner? Wouldn’t you rather they all have health insurance and have the rights that everyone else has?

Are you that threatened?  Do you have that little awareness of your own homophobia…of your own attraction to the same sex?

The only reason people are so darn afraid of gays is because of their kids and they don’t know they’re projecting onto their kids. They want to have a nice, safe social identity. I got no problem with that, but give me a break. We’re afraid of the parts of ourselves that might step out of the railroad tracks of life, that might allow ourselves to feel attracted to someone of the same sex.

Well, some people are just plain out attracted to people of the same sex. And I’m thrilled they have the right to live the same satisfaction, fulfillment and societal validation that we do.

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Blog post image courtesy: Flickr user Ted Eytan – licensed under CC 2.0.

Wright Living is a division of the Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential, a leadership institute located in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Living performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum at Wright Graduate University.

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