Don’t go to bed angry. Has someone ever given you that advice? Were you warned that your relationship would be over if you fought? Well, that’s just not true. In great relationships, some couples go to bed angry and some couples fight a great deal.
The critical element in fighting isn’t if you fight or not, it’s if you resolve the fights. Do you come out of the fight understanding yourself and the other person more deeply? Do you learn, grow, and are you closer because of that fight? Are you a stronger team after hashing it out
The Ground Rule
Being in a partnership is a magical thing that can bring out the best or the worst in us. One of the things we run into here at Wright when we’re coaching couples is that people don’t really know how to take personal responsibility in their relationships. So, we set a ground rule that in any given couple’s interaction that no one gets more than 50 percent of the blame and everyone gets 100 percent of the responsibility for their own satisfaction.
Too often, we want the other person to be the spouse that we’re not. We don’t start out by taking responsibility for our own satisfaction. We want them to make us happy. Well, it’s not your spouse’s responsibility to make you happy; it’s your responsibility to be happy! It’s your responsibility to engage in life in a way that is satisfying and fulfilling. It’s their responsibility to add to you by doing the same.
We can bring out the best in each other in ways that none of us could reach that best alone—having the genuine support and deep care from another person to continuously let us know when we are being our best selves and when we’re not. And that’s the beauty and magic of couples—it’s a constant learning and growing experience of bringing out the best in each other and figuring out what it will take to do that.
So, go for satisfaction in your relationships! It can be with a spouse, a friend, a family member, or even a coworker. Have that talk you haven’t in a while; tell that truth you’ve been holding back; or take the extra step and say what you don’t like and what you want more of. When you consistently engage like this, you’ll be able to notice the significant difference in the quality of your relationships.
Do you want to see your relationships transform? Download Two Free Chapters of Transformed! The Science of Spectacular Living and learn how to take more personal responsibility in your relationships!