Stand Strong and Stay in Relationship!

Don’t go to bed angry. Has someone ever given you that advice? Were you warned that your relationship would be over if you fought? Well, that’s just not true. In great relationships, some couples go to bed angry and some couples fight a great deal.

The critical element in fighting isn’t if you fight or not, it’s if you resolve the fights. Do you come out of the fight understanding yourself and the other person more deeply? Do you learn, grow, and are you closer because of that fight? Are you a stronger team after hashing it out

The Ground Rule

Being in a partnership is a magical thing that can bring out the best or the worst in us. One of the things we run into here at Wright when we’re coaching couples is that people don’t really know how to take personal responsibility in their relationships. So, we set a ground rule that in any given couple’s interaction that no one gets more than 50 percent of the blame and everyone gets 100 percent of the responsibility for their own satisfaction.

Taking Responsibility

Too often, we want the other person to be the spouse that we’re not. We don’t start out by taking responsibility for our own satisfaction. We want them to make us happy. Well, it’s not your spouse’s responsibility to make you happy; it’s your responsibility to be happy! It’s your responsibility to engage in life in a way that is satisfying and fulfilling. It’s their responsibility to add to you by doing the same.

We can bring out the best in each other in ways that none of us could reach that best alone—having the genuine support and deep care from another person to continuously let us know when we are being our best selves and when we’re not. And that’s the beauty and magic of couples—it’s a constant learning and growing experience of bringing out the best in each other and figuring out what it will take to do that.

So, go for satisfaction in your relationships! It can be with a spouse, a friend, a family member, or even a coworker. Have that talk you haven’t in a while; tell that truth you’ve been holding back; or take the extra step and say what you don’t like and what you want more of. When you consistently engage like this, you’ll be able to notice the significant difference in the quality of your relationships.

Warmest Regards,

–Bob

Do you want to see your relationships transform? Download Two Free Chapters of  Transformed! The Science of Spectacular Living and learn how to take more personal responsibility in your relationships!

Your Weight Is Not The Problem

Have you lost weight only to gain it again? Or gotten discouraged about how hard it is to lose weight and give up because it’s so dang hard?

I was chubby. Overweight. Tubby. I was also unhappy, unfulfilled, sad, and numb—something was missing in my life and I turned to food as the answer. The best I knew to do was to eat… and plan my eating… and then reward myself with food. And when I wasn’t eating, I was thinking about eating! I would comfort, bribe, and numb myself with food.

And then I got sick of being fat and decided to get thin—and I lost the extra pounds, but I still wasn’t fulfilled. I was still fantasizing about the comfort of food—planning my meals, thinking about what I was going to eat next.

The Source of The Issue

It was then that I discovered my weight wasn’t the issue, my life was. I discovered that I was hungry, but it wasn’t just for food. My unmet yearnings were the real problem—my yearnings for comfort, to belong, to matter, to make a difference, to love and be loved. It was only when I finally made a conscious choice and commitment to living a satisfying and beautiful life that I really made the shift.

When you make this commitment, when you dedicate, you’re able to change your definition of who you are and what makes you happy. It isn’t just about the weight anymore, it’s about the bigger picture—who you want to be and where you want to go. This bigger commitment keeps you going when you’re tempted to eat that candy bar or binge on those French fries rather than meeting those deeper yearnings.

Feed Your Soul

Now, I eat whatever I want—I don’t just dine on carrot sticks and sprouts, but I eat real food, including a hot fudge sundae on occasion! I don’t need big huge portions because I am no longer trying to fill what felt like a gaping, empty hole inside me. Because I am meeting my yearnings—my hunger to love and be loved, to connect, to matter-I’m not substituting good food for a good life. While I enjoy a good meal, I don’t think too much about food because my desires have shifted. And, my weight is a non-issue! I am thin, and my weight is constant, and I feel good in my body—it’s my body. I feel free in a way I could not have even imagined before!

I am happier, more fulfilled, more creative, have more joy, passion, satisfaction, love, and energy. But, it’s not because I am thin. It’s because I changed the quality of my life, and then I became thin. As I changed my life, I didn’t lean on food to meet all of my needs. Instead of reaching for food when I am upset or when I have feelings I have great, new alternatives—hugs, good talks, belly laughs, spontaneous goofiness—which are so much more fulfilling than the food I instantly grabbed in the past!

Dedicate yourself to things that bring you comfort and love! Grab a hug, meet with friends to do an activity together, or even rearrange your routine to fit in meditation or a stroll down the street. Meet those needs and nourish your body, mind, and spirit and you’ll find the weight you want—as you find the life you want.

Blessings,

–Judith

Do you want to have more comfort and love in your life? Download Two Free Chapters of Transformed! The Science of Spectacular Living and learn how following your yearnings can get you all of that!

Learn more about Wright Living’s Life Coaching in Chicago, Self Development Courses, and Relationship Courses.